Graduating From Saying No to Saying Yes and Finding A Right Balance Between The Two

 

When I was young, I was a hermit. I loved to stick to myself, hide myself in my room, read lots of fairy tales and transport myself to another world. Books were my haven. I sought refuge, joy, empathy, answers and questions in them. Without them, I would have been so lost. When I turned 18 and entered the university, I was overjoyed! My university had this superb library with all kinds of books, ranging from philosophy, religion, self help to technical! There were all sorts of books that all I yearned to do each day was devour and digest every single book the library had to offer. 

 

So, when I was in primary school, whenever  anybody asked me out, I would always decline, giving excuses like,"oh no! My mum says I can't go out today!" (Giving others the impression that my mum was a tiger mum, when in fact, I was the one who opted to cage myself up. Despite several attempts of hers to draw me out of my hermit shell). As a university student, I could not use my mum as an excuse anymore. So I came up with a new reason -"oh! I have to study for my exams!" 

 

My friends would go out, have fun while I would be holed up in my room, reading my book on my favorite subjects, written by my favorite authors. 

 

So, I was always declining everybody's invitation to party, to go hiking, watch a movie or have dinner. As a result , I had a relatively little to tell about my childhood as it 80% of it was tied to the books, 10% with grueling hours on the piano and the remaining 10% burning candles,fireworks,  skipping rope and playing hide and seek. That is what I remember most about my childhood. 

 

When I started work, my lifestyle changed slightly, but I still fell back and leant to my books for support. They were my friends. They spoke to me in every circumstance and situation . By now , the word 'No' was  a part of my DNA. Whenever people invited me to have fun (for example, going for an outing, a movie or party), I answered 'no' automatically without a second thought. Once again, I would fall back into my old ways and this time, I would read management and technical books, deriving formulas, imagining concepts and theories to apply at work. As a result, I had no life either! The major part of my young adult life was spent at the study table too. 

 

Come 2012, my life took a turn. Somehow, one day, I woke up and realized that I was in the best place to work in the whole wide world. I can't afford to say no! I need to lead an interesting life! I need to live my life from now on, not those of the idealized Korean or Hong Kong drama series. Being very resolute and determined, I made a deal with myself, "From now on, I will live in the present,  say 'yes' to almost everything and open up a whole new world of opportunities to me. I will not say 'no',  thereby closing all the doors. I will start to actually live in the present reality by taking risks and saying 'yes!'"

 

So, that's what I did. When my friend invited me to skydiving simulator, I said 'Yes'. When I saw the advert for hot air balloon ride, I signed up immediately despite having fear of heights. When my friend invited me for a bizarre trip around the UAE, armed with only her GPS and my google map, I did it, even though I feared getting lost in the middle of the desert. When I was invited to give a talk to a group of tertiary educators and marine organizations on the oil and gas industry, I took up the challenge. When a  Chennai university Dean invited me to his university to give a talk to the students, I accepted it right away and flew alone all the way to India despite the red alert for travels for single women.  When I got invited to speak on my career to a group of Masters students, I lapped it up too, even though I had no Masters degree and suffered from inferiority complex. When my team gave me jobs that were tough, with nobody to guide, discuss and teach me, I accepted it with smiling eyes and completed it successfully anyway. When I received the offer to study in France, I accepted it right away, even though I had not learned French. 

 

Saying 'yes' has really opened up many doors for me. Nowadays, I just can't wait to see what awaits me behind each door as soon as I say 'Yes'. 

 

Some people see me saying 'yes' too often and think that I do not know how to say 'no'. But this is not often the case. I think just as how God has opened many doors for me, I should help other people to open their doors too and discover the amazing surprises that are just right behind their special doors. 

 

Sometimes I do it reluctantly and complain too much, feeling like a door mat. So, I know that I need to strike a balance between uttering these two words, which will bring me on two distinct, separate paths and lead me towards different directions, hoping against all hope that it will lead me to the same ultimate destination.

 

Yes, it certainly has not been an easy road, with various unknown bumps sprinkled here and there. Yet, I have come a long way from where I had been to where I am today. 

 

 Kudos! Jean! You did a great job!  Keep up the good work! Focus your eyes on the goal, persevere and remain steadfast in the race!