Emotional Detachment - Expat's Side Effects

Do you like criticisms? I never liked it and I don't think I ever will. Especially when it comes from my family members.

 

Really?!

 

Of course !

 

The biggest critics in life are our family members! Because they've lived with us for the first quarter of our lives, they know us best, in and out. But once we venture out, we are our own persons, further and further away from our family circle.

 

So recently, when I went back for a short trip, my mum remarked,"Oh-la-la! My daughter is so emotionally aloof these days that she just doesn't care about the people around her anymore!"

 

Was it true? Partially .. Not entirely.

 

"I do care!" I protested. "It's just that I didn't express it."

 

"No."My mum said. "Action speakes louder than words. You not only did not demonstrate it, you completely And deliberately ignore and shut off all those around you. Oooooh! All these independence that you've gained . The silence , the distance. It'll eat you up alive and you won't even know it."

 

I just shrugged her words off. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. When did I become like that? A self-conceited being?

 

As I discuss this with my fellow single, women expats here,  I realize that it is a common side effect of being an expat. As an alien in a foreign country and city (like Dubai),  I just cannot help but learn to build up walls of defenses. In my own country, I have a lot of people protecting me and standing up for me. Out here, I am on my own. Each time somebody violates my boundaries (emotional, physical, financial, thoughts), I learn to construct fences to protect myself from future attacks. As the walls get thicker and higher, my emotions become decreasingly synchronized with that of others. Forgetting that the actions of one does not represent that of the whole human race.

 

Besides, my colleagues always chide me for smiling and laughing and crying. Any form of emotion raises eyebrows. I learned to display a straight and consistent face and character on a daily basis. Perhaps, this job has taught me that life is not all about work. It's about human relationships and making them work, not run away at the first sign of trouble. Fear not. Stare it in the eye, face it head on and solve it. You are an adult. Use your brains. Use logic. Trust your instinct.

 

I learned to evaluate the characteristics of each person first before advancing to the next stage of any relationship. These include credibility, reliability, sincerity, thoughtfulness and line of thought. I learned to watch my words, talk less, listen more and observe even more closely. I learned how not to be so self conscious, but be confident, love and protect myself. I learned the power of journaling, writing down my thoughts, evaluating my actions daily; discovering that in everything I do, I have a choice. I have to be consistent in my actions, thoughts and words. I need to be grown up. I need to be matured. I need to know what I want and desire.

I want to become my own person and develop my own unique, distinct personality.

 

Some people think I'm like a guy. I don't miss my family. I can't sit still in one place. I am too independent. I love my libertyy. I am even more in love with my job. I have short hair. I am career focused. 

 

But does that make me any less feminine? Nope. That is just me.

 

Guess what?

 

There is only one, and only one, unique, distinct, person like that on earth, and that individual, is me.

 

I love my life, and I thirst even more for it every single day. Life has so much to offer, I have much to receive and give. It's time I start living it. The time is now .

 

 

 

 

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Quote for today:

 

"Life produces two types of people: one half who smiles and becomes better and sweeter after going through  zillions of adversities, another half who spews, spits, brewing with anger and hatred towards the end of their lives."

 

I want to belong to the first category, the kind who enjoys, cherishes and treasures each and every moment of our lives and others. We only get one shot in life. So , you better choose the right road, Jean!

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