Letter of Reassurance

Recently, I stumbled upon a site searching for some inspirational articles for a colleague. It was the Citibank website, featuring letters written by women to their younger selves, sort of like 'what I wish I knew when I was younger'.

 

Inspired, here's what I would write:

 

 

 

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Dear 23 year old,

 

Congratulations on stepping into the working world! Welcome! You're in for the greatest journey of your life! Working is fun, more fun than studying! You'll get to see new things, meet new people and hear new stories every month, every day. You'll be learning new things every day as long as you want to.

 

Unlike schools, work is not an examination room, where you have to score 'A' all the time, get perfect marks and never make a mistake. In fact, it is the exact opposite. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. Never be afraid to ask questions. The more you ask, the more you learn. Keep your curiousity spark alive by learning something new everyday, even if it is out of your job scope.

 

Give it your best at work, but not to the brink of jeopardizing your own health and the sanity of your own mind and others. Always be honest. Make integrity one of your principle values. Don't sweep everything under the carpet. Be professional. Don't be emotional. Learn to set aside your emotions and let logic do the talking.

 

Don't mince your words, either. Let your 'yes' be 'yes', and 'no' be 'no' . Speak clearly, don't mutter. Articulate each word with clarity. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't be too obliging, don't be too strict either. Compromise -it's a dance.

 

There are all kinds of people in this world. You can't make everyone like you. Though you can't change people, you can change your attitude towards others. Be pleasant to everyone, even to those whom you wish you didn't work with. Be on good terms with everyone. Don't burn bridges. There are boundaries in this world too. Respect those boundaries, and you'll be fine.

 

Though at times, it may be rough, stay strong. Never fear. God is with you always. And what's the worse that could happen from each of these experiences that make you cry like there's no tomorrow? You won't die from them. You'll remember those lessons, be stronger and wiser and impart your knowledge and share your testimony with those who need it and learn from it.

 

Learn also to protect yourself, your mind, your soul, your words, and your physical self. Be discerning. Don't be too gullible or trusting. Listen to the warning signs in your head and your surroundings. Trust your instinct.  Be alert. Stay observant. Open your eyes, wide and bright. And see the world for what it really is. Stay in the present. Don't day dream too much.

 

Love your body, love yourself and love the people around you. Never forget that they exist too. Without them, where would you be? Stay healthy, eat healthy, live healthy.

 

Also, don't forget to work on your relationships. Be it at work, at home, at church or out of these circles. Make an effort to meet up with those who love you and support you regularly. Look out for those who need help. Be like the river whose banks overflows, watering its surroundings into thick vegetation, providing resources for those who live around it. Never, ever, use work to escape reality or avoid confrontation. You will regret it, if you do.

 

If you believe in something, go for it. Don't let your opinions be swayed by what others think of it. You know yourself best. Nobody knows you better than you yourself. You are the only one who knows what you truly desire. So, trust your guts, stick to your goals, your beliefs and your principles. Never, ever, let anybody take that away from you or influence you.

 

Be confident. Do not be intimidated by anything. All those negative emotions? Anger, jealousy, hatred, angst, disappointment, guilt... they can only jump across the room or the table to attack you, if you allow it. Treasure your heart. Guard your feelings. They are precious.

Finally, don't forget that in everything that you do, God will be with you. Even when he doesn't seem to be around, even though he's invisible, He is here, permeating your whole being and you just can't deny it. When He is around, your life is sweeter and better. Without God, life is meaningless. God wants us to lead a purposeful and meaningful life and he sows this seed in us, so strongly that you just got to follow its lead. He, is the only key to your soul. There's no denying it. Listen and obey. Be grateful for everything that happens in your life, the good, the bad, the sweet and the sour. Everything happens for a reason. Look up. Focus on the most important things in life. And you'll never, ever miss your mark.

 

And remember, you are special in His eyes. God loves you very, very much. So, keep that hope alive. It'll do you much good in time to come. God will bless you and protect you, always and forever.

 

Love,

Jean.
 

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人生短短几十年，不要给自己留下了什么遗憾

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Work Life Balance

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Actions & Reactions

So, here I am, embarking on my most exciting journey ever, as soon as I hit the figure '3' with enthusiasm and hope. And people around me begin quizzing me, "Why?! Jean? Why do you want to pursue your postgraduate studies?"

 

At present, I think it's the most logical and reasonable and ideal course of action for me. While there are some who support my decision, there are also many who think that I am out of my mind.

 

Here are some of the responses that I got.

 

"What?! Are you crazy? Don't you realize that the more highly educated you are, the harder it is for you to get a husband? The number of men who would want to get a wife with a Masters degree are almost extinct! You're lucky if you get one."

 

"Oh my gosh! You, of all people, should be contented. You have a nice job, nice place to stay in, nice home, nice friends, nice environment. Do you know how many people would pay to be where you are today? Why would you want to abandon all these and suffer in another new country, learning new languages and a totally whole new subject all together?"

 

"You don't have a sponsorship? You're paying from your own pocket? Why?!!! Why on earth would you want to do that? It's tough! It pinches your pocket! It's painful!"

 

"Is this the only option you have? Can't you do part time?"

 

"Knowledge is endless. Why keep on pursuing something that is infinite? Isn't it sufficient to learn on the job? Why chase after something so urgently when you'll get it eventually, and it isn't something that matters much ultimately?"

 

Frankly, I haven't approached the matter from the angles that all the persons above have mentioned. All I know is, I am going to do it, and I will make it happen, no matter what it takes.

 

Apparently, what I'm doing is considered high risk. To many, it signifies a loss of many things, such as a good pay cheque, quality of life, spending power and marriage opportunities. In short, it is a huge sacrifice.

 

To me, however, I have a lot to gain from this move. I'll gain liberation from the restrictively, silent environment; I'll gain the liberty and freedom to be true to who I am, to increase my interaction with human beings and understand their behaviours. Besides, I'll also get to be acquainted with new friends, new culture, new environment. I will get a new lease of life.

 

Therefore, I will be brave. I will persevere. I will be courageous. I will keep on fighting for what I believe in.

May God answer these prayers of mine and be with me every step of the way. 

Emotional Detachment - Expat's Side Effects

Do you like criticisms? I never liked it and I don't think I ever will. Especially when it comes from my family members.

 

Really?!

 

Of course !

 

The biggest critics in life are our family members! Because they've lived with us for the first quarter of our lives, they know us best, in and out. But once we venture out, we are our own persons, further and further away from our family circle.

 

So recently, when I went back for a short trip, my mum remarked,"Oh-la-la! My daughter is so emotionally aloof these days that she just doesn't care about the people around her anymore!"

 

Was it true? Partially .. Not entirely.

 

"I do care!" I protested. "It's just that I didn't express it."

 

"No."My mum said. "Action speakes louder than words. You not only did not demonstrate it, you completely And deliberately ignore and shut off all those around you. Oooooh! All these independence that you've gained . The silence , the distance. It'll eat you up alive and you won't even know it."

 

I just shrugged her words off. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. When did I become like that? A self-conceited being?

 

As I discuss this with my fellow single, women expats here,  I realize that it is a common side effect of being an expat. As an alien in a foreign country and city (like Dubai),  I just cannot help but learn to build up walls of defenses. In my own country, I have a lot of people protecting me and standing up for me. Out here, I am on my own. Each time somebody violates my boundaries (emotional, physical, financial, thoughts), I learn to construct fences to protect myself from future attacks. As the walls get thicker and higher, my emotions become decreasingly synchronized with that of others. Forgetting that the actions of one does not represent that of the whole human race.

 

Besides, my colleagues always chide me for smiling and laughing and crying. Any form of emotion raises eyebrows. I learned to display a straight and consistent face and character on a daily basis. Perhaps, this job has taught me that life is not all about work. It's about human relationships and making them work, not run away at the first sign of trouble. Fear not. Stare it in the eye, face it head on and solve it. You are an adult. Use your brains. Use logic. Trust your instinct.

 

I learned to evaluate the characteristics of each person first before advancing to the next stage of any relationship. These include credibility, reliability, sincerity, thoughtfulness and line of thought. I learned to watch my words, talk less, listen more and observe even more closely. I learned how not to be so self conscious, but be confident, love and protect myself. I learned the power of journaling, writing down my thoughts, evaluating my actions daily; discovering that in everything I do, I have a choice. I have to be consistent in my actions, thoughts and words. I need to be grown up. I need to be matured. I need to know what I want and desire.

I want to become my own person and develop my own unique, distinct personality.

 

Some people think I'm like a guy. I don't miss my family. I can't sit still in one place. I am too independent. I love my libertyy. I am even more in love with my job. I have short hair. I am career focused. 

 

But does that make me any less feminine? Nope. That is just me.

 

Guess what?

 

There is only one, and only one, unique, distinct, person like that on earth, and that individual, is me.

 

I love my life, and I thirst even more for it every single day. Life has so much to offer, I have much to receive and give. It's time I start living it. The time is now .

 

 

 

 

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Quote for today:

 

"Life produces two types of people: one half who smiles and becomes better and sweeter after going through  zillions of adversities, another half who spews, spits, brewing with anger and hatred towards the end of their lives."

 

I want to belong to the first category, the kind who enjoys, cherishes and treasures each and every moment of our lives and others. We only get one shot in life. So , you better choose the right road, Jean!

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How to communicate??? Hmmmm....

When it boils down to verbal communication, I'm at a loss, especially with somebody intimidating. I get tongue tied and my brain shuts down. These days, I realize that I can't let all these insecurities get to me. I need to be secure and confident. Because no matter where I am, problems exist. They are everywhere. It's time I start learning how to deal with it, not complain about it. Grow up, Jean!

 

Come down from cloud nine and back to reality. Live in the present. Overcome all your hurdles, clear them one by one, step by step.

 

Here's what I learnt in the past two weeks:

 

1. Don't be bothered about what others say or think. Do what you like! Do what you enjoy! If you know it is exactly what you want! Be absolutely sure!

 

2. If it involves another party, find a quiet place to sit together and explain the difficulties that you encounter while executing your work. Compare diffferent scenarios so that both of you will be able to understand and help each other to communicate.

 

3. If it involves your colleague, impress upon them the following:

a. What you're doing

b. How much you're doing

c. What are the impact and consequences of each job

d. How much you've done

e. Tell the problem and make them appreciate it.

 

4. If others are intent on talking aobut themselves, try this:

"That's great! It's a good thing!"(praise them first, then proceed with the following):

"Can I have some time to explain about my work?"

 

5. Always:

    - Listen

    - Be patient

    - Be courteous

    - Think on behalf of the other party

 

6. Remember that every individual is different. Understand their situation. Don't complicate matters and make their lives tough! But here's my argument:

Me: "If I'm always thinking about others, who thinks about me?"

My conscience:"Regardless, do good anyway."

Word of God says, "Now, who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you suffer for righteous'sake, you will be blessed. Have nothing to do with evil. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil."(1 Peter 3:13-17)

 

& "The righteous shall live by faith." Romans 1:16

 

In any case, these hiccups are small things in life. They come and go.

 

So, take yourself less seriously and take others more seriously. (Annonymous)

 

 

 

 

My Way of Decison Making

So, here's a question:

If you have a problem, what would you do?
A. Do nothing
B. Complain or grumble about it
C. Run away from it
D. Ignore it
E. Run around it
F. Face it
G. Solve it

If you have to make a decision, which would you pick ?
A. Take the easy way out
B. Take the unconventional path -the road less travelled
C. Know your priorities as a basis for your final decision

If you have a chance to break out of your daily routine, to change your course, to take charge of your own life, to live based upon your own free will (not the system of the corporate world, dictated by financial constraints or monetary value), would you do it?
A. Yes
B. No

There! You've got your answer! Don't think too much. Don't look back either.

Just do it!

Go for it and fulfill your dreams!

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Let not your decisions be based upon your fears (founded or unfounded).

Instead allow your hopes for the future, your dreams and your true desires

to be the flying wheels of your life.

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人生短短几十年，不要给自己留下了什么遗憾
(Live a life of no regrets)
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