Easter-Independence & Freedom!

When I was young, I used to think that independence was being able to earn and spend my own money. And I hung on to this idea all the time while working back home. Little did I know that I was far from the true definition of independence.

 

Until I arrived in Dubai.

 

Today, exactly 18 months after being in Dubai, going through storms, thunders and typhoons, I realize that being independent is far more than earning one's own salary.

 

One of the signs of being independent is learning how to manage one's own finances. It's the ability to save and plan for the future, and make your own decisions to invest, speculate, save or spend.

 

I also used to think that being independent meant not leaning on anyone else to help you in everything. When I first came, I met many road blocks, especially when the human resource department evicted me from my luxurious hotel room in Downtown Dubai one day before I was officially a part of the organization. (Prior to that, I was on attachment). I had nowhere else to go. I didn't know who to call for help! I had to utilize my own expenses to book the cheapest hotel room nearest to my office to walk to work daily as transportation was no longer provided. and the heartless HR (contradictory to what HR always brand themselves - 'we will always be there for our employees') said, "The hotel charges will only be a pittance of your salary."

 

"But money was still money, regardless of the percentage. Just think: that amount of cash could be used to do plentiful had I been back in Malaysia." I argued silently in my heart.

 

When I finally found a suitable place to rent for long term, another wall was erected out of nowhere. This time, my credit card and ATM card had not arrived. I called one colleague after another, but none was available. I was downright trodden. I did not even had a cheque at that time.

 

Devastated, I negotiated with the receptionist and successfully persuaded her to allow me to delay the payment for one week until the cards arrived! We discussed in even tones, no raised voices, and she finally relented and agreed! I was overjoyed!

 

That was my first step towards independence in Dubai. That day, I learnt the power of persuasion and negotiation. From then on, I learnt not to rely on others, but to enhance and utilize my communication skills to achieve my objectives.

 

One of the reasons for my extreme reliance on others in the past was due to the fact that I thought the world revolved around me. It was all about me. When sorrowful things happen, I thought my friends or family were supposed to comfort me because that's what friends and family members are for. When I'm in trouble, they would help me out, because I would do the same thing for them.

Coming to Dubai, I learnt that expecting others to help me or comfort me was a one-sided view. It was a distorted version of the world. The real world did not function on that basis. Hence, I was frequently disappointed and annoyed.

 

When I first arrived in my attached company, I was given on average one job per month. This was not alligned with my personal objectives. I wanted to do more than that. Ideally, a thousand jobs on my desk each day. As a workaholic, I was agitated, frustrated and lost. I voiced the reality and explained the gravity of the situation to all my bosses as I thought they would help me to communicate my wishes to my bosses in the attached company, or pull me out of the project.

 

Can you believe it? I was suffocating from absence of work.

 

However, the main boss asked me to use my billion, zillion brain cells to figure out how to solve my own problems. That, was the second deepest cut. Had it happened in Malaysia, I could have gone to other departments and discussed with other managers on what to do.

 

One of the typical Malaysian mentality is, "My boss is supposed to be my voice. If I face any problems, he/she should help me to solve it! Otherwise, what are bosses for?"

 

I was a pampered Malaysian who had it too easy all along back then.

 

But because I knew neither my colleagues from other projects, no friends or acquaintances from the outside world (out of office), and did not feel acquainted with any of my colleagues at the attached company, I was helpless, like a damsel in distress.

 

It was then, that I learnt to stand up on my own too feet, and learned to lean neither to the right or left, looked neither upwards for clinging holds or downwards for support, but to God who would faithfully guide me through thick and thin, hot and cold, bitter and sweet.

 

From then on, whenever I faced any troubles, I would solve it on my own first before running straight to my boss or colleagues for advice. For I found that people who are spectators or observers of your life, are unable to comprehend your challenges unless they have been through it.

 

But since we're all unique in our own way, and have the freedom to pick our decision, we often choose different paths to walk and tread on. As such, each picks their own destiny. When our paths do cross, we either take delight that we are headed in the same direction and have companion for the journey, or we become loggerheads, treating each other like enemies who block each other's ways. Like two goats fighting on a narrow bridge, aiming to push each other down into the river below. Little do we know that we are all walking blindly in a maze. We might think we know where we're all headed. But do you really know? Are you really confident you know where you are going? Where do you think you'll end up ultimately?

 

After that, I thought I was independent by now.

 

So, six months later, when I moved out from the hotel apartment to the new apartment, I shifted everything on my own. I did not borrow any bags from anybody nor ask any colleagues/friends to help me in my move. I was too proud and could not face rejection head on. Taking 'no' for an answer deflated the ego which was deeply embedded in my DNA. And when the taxi driver arrived at the doorstep of my new apartment, he merely sat in the driver seat, opened the boot with a button beside the steering wheel, while I huffed and puffed, pulling all the bags out and cursing the driver under my breath for not helping me. As I walked into the apartment, the security guys just looked on and asked me gruffily, "Which apartment?!"

 

I gave the number and they opened the door. They did not even help me to carry my big bags! I bit my lips together, swallowing back tears as I continued to drag my bags up. In the lift, a guy striked a conversation with me, asked me where I lived, and extended his hand to touch my cheek. I was caught by surprise and I did not know how to react. I could neither run out or shout. Luckily the door of the lift opened just as his hands were about to touch me and he stepped out of the lift. I was relieved and bewildered. What kind of situation have I landed myself into?

 

It was a miserable March. The winter in Dubai had ended and summer was approaching, with flowers blooming and birds chirping around every corner. But I was oblivious to all these scenes as the winter in my heart had just started. My heart grew cold. I could not take it any longer. The dam broke and I just let out all the frustration, disapointment, the tears, like floods and typhoons of Philippines. For a whole month, my emotions were still unstable, and I cried frequently, trembling on the phone while talking to my mum, while alone in my room, or while talking to anybody.

 

In April, on Easter day, I finally experienced an emotional breakthrough. While attending Easter sunrise service at the beach conducted by another church, I lost my laptop, cash, cards, keys to my new apartment and personal belongings. I grew worried and I was at a loss once again! How would I enter my new house? How would I do my work? What would I eat for the day or the week? Where was I going to get money to buy food? By this time now, I was numbed by the series of events that happened like Domino's effect.

 

However, generous people from church (total and absolute strangers, people whom I've never met before, or talked to them before), each gave me bills of 100,200, 500 and even 1000 AED to help me in my 'desperate' situation! I was so touched! They helped me to smile through my tears.

 

Before that incident, I was this sullen soul who clung onto my money for dear life. However, the moment I received hard, solid cash in my hands from generous strangers, it dawned upon me that so this is how it feels like to have cash drop down from the sky when you really need it. I feel thankful, blessed and secure. I feel protected, I feel loved. I would never, ever forget that feeling. Suddenly, I knew, I had to do something about it. and I just literally dropped down to my knees and prayed, "Dear God, if you are listening, please, please, help me to find my laptop and belongings and return it to me. I promise, if you give it back to me, I will start paying tithe. I promise with my whole heart and soul."

 

I think it's stated in the Bible, "(sic) Don't simply make vows to God. He remembers them. If you vow, make sure you fulfill it. Otherwise... " (I've forgotten the consequences, but I knew it could not be good).

 

So, I rode a cab back to my office at 7.00am. And what do you know, an hour later, right before 8.00am (my official working hours), a girl calls me up to say she's got my bag and she's coming to return it to me! And I am so excited that I am jumping for joy! I pace up and down as I wait for the girl to arrive with my belongings! Yes yes yes! and I start praising and thanking God for answering my prayers! Hallelujah! I am so happy that all my things were in-tact, nothing was missing. Everything was in its original position and location!

 

But there was one problem. What shall I do with all the cash that I received??? It could easily be used to buy an iPhone or a laptop! So I gave it all to the girl who returned it to me and said, "Now that I've got everything back, why don't you put it in the offering bag?" , thanked her profusely and skipped back happily to my office!

 

From then on, I knew that there's always hope at the end of the tunnel, that there's always a silver lining behind every cloud. That God listens, He's there. And I began to pay more attention to Him.

 

30 days later, I landed into another sticky situation. This time, it was about my annual leave. I wanted so desperately to return home to Malaysia as I had not been back since I came to Dubai six months ago. Unfortunately, the same boss who told me to use my 'smart aleck', rejected my leave, citing that my presence in the team was so essential. Once again, I fell back into the same valley which I struggled so hard to come out of. As I thought about how miserable my life was, and wished I would be back instead of here, I slipped down the stairs, sprained my ankle and winced! Not only now was my leave rejected, even my foot was in severe pain! I ached in my heart too! I visited the doctor immediately and began crying 'til my cheeks turned beetroot-red. The tears just couldn't stop! It's like I had forgotten where the switch was. There was no 'off' button. The doctor thought I was in agony physically, gave me a hug along with 3-days of Medical leave. During the 3 days, I used it to complete a report which was supposed to be completed in a month. In the night, I cried like a baby again, as if all my loved ones had left me and I was the only one in the world. All alone in this big, bad, evil world.

 

And once more, I prayed, "Dear Lord Father if you are real, show me that you love me. Show me that there are people who love me, and care for me here, and it is so worth it to be here in Dubai."

 

For the next few days, the members of my small group session visited me one after another. One came bringing magazines, one came bringing food enough to last for a week, along with words of encouragement and lots of love, another came to cook dinner for me on a daily basis!

 

And I knew... God shows his love through the people around me. There are many kinds of love, tough love, gentle love, compassionate love, assertive love; love that needs no mentioning but you can just feel it in the air; Love in a hug, love in a hand shake, love in a word, love in the eyes. Love is there, as long as you open your big, wide and shiny eyes. You'll definitely see it. You won't miss it. And once you see it, you will fall in love with everything in sight!

 

Today, I am finally able to stand upright, straighten my back, walk tall with my head up and stride across the room with confidence and boldness, because of the love I felt in my heart from God and also from the people who were once strangers, acquaintance, whom I have now come to call - my family. With them, I have finally found my identity in Christ, my life's purpose and God's will for me.

 

This coming Easter, I'd just like to thank God for working actively in my life, transforming me from the inside out, renewing my spirit day by day, and injecting abundant, bubbly activities into my  exciting life! 

 

Thank you God!

 

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Rejoice! Rejoice!
For the Lord has done great things,            (Joel 2:21)
For He has given you abundant rain,          (Joel 2:23)
For He has granted me salvation,                (Habakkuk 3:18)
For our names are written in heaven,          (Luke 10:20)
For He has found us,                                   (Luke 15:6)
For our sorrow will turn into joy,                (John 16:20)
For no one can take our joy away from us  (John 16:22)

 

Rejoice! Rejoice!
For the Lord, our God is with us always and forever!

 

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