Easter-Independence & Freedom!

When I was young, I used to think that independence was being able to earn and spend my own money. And I hung on to this idea all the time while working back home. Little did I know that I was far from the true definition of independence.

 

Until I arrived in Dubai.

 

Today, exactly 18 months after being in Dubai, going through storms, thunders and typhoons, I realize that being independent is far more than earning one's own salary.

 

One of the signs of being independent is learning how to manage one's own finances. It's the ability to save and plan for the future, and make your own decisions to invest, speculate, save or spend.

 

I also used to think that being independent meant not leaning on anyone else to help you in everything. When I first came, I met many road blocks, especially when the human resource department evicted me from my luxurious hotel room in Downtown Dubai one day before I was officially a part of the organization. (Prior to that, I was on attachment). I had nowhere else to go. I didn't know who to call for help! I had to utilize my own expenses to book the cheapest hotel room nearest to my office to walk to work daily as transportation was no longer provided. and the heartless HR (contradictory to what HR always brand themselves - 'we will always be there for our employees') said, "The hotel charges will only be a pittance of your salary."

 

"But money was still money, regardless of the percentage. Just think: that amount of cash could be used to do plentiful had I been back in Malaysia." I argued silently in my heart.

 

When I finally found a suitable place to rent for long term, another wall was erected out of nowhere. This time, my credit card and ATM card had not arrived. I called one colleague after another, but none was available. I was downright trodden. I did not even had a cheque at that time.

 

Devastated, I negotiated with the receptionist and successfully persuaded her to allow me to delay the payment for one week until the cards arrived! We discussed in even tones, no raised voices, and she finally relented and agreed! I was overjoyed!

 

That was my first step towards independence in Dubai. That day, I learnt the power of persuasion and negotiation. From then on, I learnt not to rely on others, but to enhance and utilize my communication skills to achieve my objectives.

 

One of the reasons for my extreme reliance on others in the past was due to the fact that I thought the world revolved around me. It was all about me. When sorrowful things happen, I thought my friends or family were supposed to comfort me because that's what friends and family members are for. When I'm in trouble, they would help me out, because I would do the same thing for them.

Coming to Dubai, I learnt that expecting others to help me or comfort me was a one-sided view. It was a distorted version of the world. The real world did not function on that basis. Hence, I was frequently disappointed and annoyed.

 

When I first arrived in my attached company, I was given on average one job per month. This was not alligned with my personal objectives. I wanted to do more than that. Ideally, a thousand jobs on my desk each day. As a workaholic, I was agitated, frustrated and lost. I voiced the reality and explained the gravity of the situation to all my bosses as I thought they would help me to communicate my wishes to my bosses in the attached company, or pull me out of the project.

 

Can you believe it? I was suffocating from absence of work.

 

However, the main boss asked me to use my billion, zillion brain cells to figure out how to solve my own problems. That, was the second deepest cut. Had it happened in Malaysia, I could have gone to other departments and discussed with other managers on what to do.

 

One of the typical Malaysian mentality is, "My boss is supposed to be my voice. If I face any problems, he/she should help me to solve it! Otherwise, what are bosses for?"

 

I was a pampered Malaysian who had it too easy all along back then.

 

But because I knew neither my colleagues from other projects, no friends or acquaintances from the outside world (out of office), and did not feel acquainted with any of my colleagues at the attached company, I was helpless, like a damsel in distress.

 

It was then, that I learnt to stand up on my own too feet, and learned to lean neither to the right or left, looked neither upwards for clinging holds or downwards for support, but to God who would faithfully guide me through thick and thin, hot and cold, bitter and sweet.

 

From then on, whenever I faced any troubles, I would solve it on my own first before running straight to my boss or colleagues for advice. For I found that people who are spectators or observers of your life, are unable to comprehend your challenges unless they have been through it.

 

But since we're all unique in our own way, and have the freedom to pick our decision, we often choose different paths to walk and tread on. As such, each picks their own destiny. When our paths do cross, we either take delight that we are headed in the same direction and have companion for the journey, or we become loggerheads, treating each other like enemies who block each other's ways. Like two goats fighting on a narrow bridge, aiming to push each other down into the river below. Little do we know that we are all walking blindly in a maze. We might think we know where we're all headed. But do you really know? Are you really confident you know where you are going? Where do you think you'll end up ultimately?

 

After that, I thought I was independent by now.

 

So, six months later, when I moved out from the hotel apartment to the new apartment, I shifted everything on my own. I did not borrow any bags from anybody nor ask any colleagues/friends to help me in my move. I was too proud and could not face rejection head on. Taking 'no' for an answer deflated the ego which was deeply embedded in my DNA. And when the taxi driver arrived at the doorstep of my new apartment, he merely sat in the driver seat, opened the boot with a button beside the steering wheel, while I huffed and puffed, pulling all the bags out and cursing the driver under my breath for not helping me. As I walked into the apartment, the security guys just looked on and asked me gruffily, "Which apartment?!"

 

I gave the number and they opened the door. They did not even help me to carry my big bags! I bit my lips together, swallowing back tears as I continued to drag my bags up. In the lift, a guy striked a conversation with me, asked me where I lived, and extended his hand to touch my cheek. I was caught by surprise and I did not know how to react. I could neither run out or shout. Luckily the door of the lift opened just as his hands were about to touch me and he stepped out of the lift. I was relieved and bewildered. What kind of situation have I landed myself into?

 

It was a miserable March. The winter in Dubai had ended and summer was approaching, with flowers blooming and birds chirping around every corner. But I was oblivious to all these scenes as the winter in my heart had just started. My heart grew cold. I could not take it any longer. The dam broke and I just let out all the frustration, disapointment, the tears, like floods and typhoons of Philippines. For a whole month, my emotions were still unstable, and I cried frequently, trembling on the phone while talking to my mum, while alone in my room, or while talking to anybody.

 

In April, on Easter day, I finally experienced an emotional breakthrough. While attending Easter sunrise service at the beach conducted by another church, I lost my laptop, cash, cards, keys to my new apartment and personal belongings. I grew worried and I was at a loss once again! How would I enter my new house? How would I do my work? What would I eat for the day or the week? Where was I going to get money to buy food? By this time now, I was numbed by the series of events that happened like Domino's effect.

 

However, generous people from church (total and absolute strangers, people whom I've never met before, or talked to them before), each gave me bills of 100,200, 500 and even 1000 AED to help me in my 'desperate' situation! I was so touched! They helped me to smile through my tears.

 

Before that incident, I was this sullen soul who clung onto my money for dear life. However, the moment I received hard, solid cash in my hands from generous strangers, it dawned upon me that so this is how it feels like to have cash drop down from the sky when you really need it. I feel thankful, blessed and secure. I feel protected, I feel loved. I would never, ever forget that feeling. Suddenly, I knew, I had to do something about it. and I just literally dropped down to my knees and prayed, "Dear God, if you are listening, please, please, help me to find my laptop and belongings and return it to me. I promise, if you give it back to me, I will start paying tithe. I promise with my whole heart and soul."

 

I think it's stated in the Bible, "(sic) Don't simply make vows to God. He remembers them. If you vow, make sure you fulfill it. Otherwise... " (I've forgotten the consequences, but I knew it could not be good).

 

So, I rode a cab back to my office at 7.00am. And what do you know, an hour later, right before 8.00am (my official working hours), a girl calls me up to say she's got my bag and she's coming to return it to me! And I am so excited that I am jumping for joy! I pace up and down as I wait for the girl to arrive with my belongings! Yes yes yes! and I start praising and thanking God for answering my prayers! Hallelujah! I am so happy that all my things were in-tact, nothing was missing. Everything was in its original position and location!

 

But there was one problem. What shall I do with all the cash that I received??? It could easily be used to buy an iPhone or a laptop! So I gave it all to the girl who returned it to me and said, "Now that I've got everything back, why don't you put it in the offering bag?" , thanked her profusely and skipped back happily to my office!

 

From then on, I knew that there's always hope at the end of the tunnel, that there's always a silver lining behind every cloud. That God listens, He's there. And I began to pay more attention to Him.

 

30 days later, I landed into another sticky situation. This time, it was about my annual leave. I wanted so desperately to return home to Malaysia as I had not been back since I came to Dubai six months ago. Unfortunately, the same boss who told me to use my 'smart aleck', rejected my leave, citing that my presence in the team was so essential. Once again, I fell back into the same valley which I struggled so hard to come out of. As I thought about how miserable my life was, and wished I would be back instead of here, I slipped down the stairs, sprained my ankle and winced! Not only now was my leave rejected, even my foot was in severe pain! I ached in my heart too! I visited the doctor immediately and began crying 'til my cheeks turned beetroot-red. The tears just couldn't stop! It's like I had forgotten where the switch was. There was no 'off' button. The doctor thought I was in agony physically, gave me a hug along with 3-days of Medical leave. During the 3 days, I used it to complete a report which was supposed to be completed in a month. In the night, I cried like a baby again, as if all my loved ones had left me and I was the only one in the world. All alone in this big, bad, evil world.

 

And once more, I prayed, "Dear Lord Father if you are real, show me that you love me. Show me that there are people who love me, and care for me here, and it is so worth it to be here in Dubai."

 

For the next few days, the members of my small group session visited me one after another. One came bringing magazines, one came bringing food enough to last for a week, along with words of encouragement and lots of love, another came to cook dinner for me on a daily basis!

 

And I knew... God shows his love through the people around me. There are many kinds of love, tough love, gentle love, compassionate love, assertive love; love that needs no mentioning but you can just feel it in the air; Love in a hug, love in a hand shake, love in a word, love in the eyes. Love is there, as long as you open your big, wide and shiny eyes. You'll definitely see it. You won't miss it. And once you see it, you will fall in love with everything in sight!

 

Today, I am finally able to stand upright, straighten my back, walk tall with my head up and stride across the room with confidence and boldness, because of the love I felt in my heart from God and also from the people who were once strangers, acquaintance, whom I have now come to call - my family. With them, I have finally found my identity in Christ, my life's purpose and God's will for me.

 

This coming Easter, I'd just like to thank God for working actively in my life, transforming me from the inside out, renewing my spirit day by day, and injecting abundant, bubbly activities into my  exciting life! 

 

Thank you God!

 

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Rejoice! Rejoice!
For the Lord has done great things,            (Joel 2:21)
For He has given you abundant rain,          (Joel 2:23)
For He has granted me salvation,                (Habakkuk 3:18)
For our names are written in heaven,          (Luke 10:20)
For He has found us,                                   (Luke 15:6)
For our sorrow will turn into joy,                (John 16:20)
For no one can take our joy away from us  (John 16:22)

 

Rejoice! Rejoice!
For the Lord, our God is with us always and forever!

 

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What does it mean to love?

Recently, I caught myself in a sticky situation. It took me a lot of strength, effort, boldness and courage to un-glue myself and get my home back, all to myself. It was a tough experience for me. Nevertheless, it a lesson which, hopefully, will stick with me for a long, long time. The good thing is, I learnt to ask myself, "What does it mean to love yourself? What does it take to love yourself?"

 

Here's what I found out:

 

Loving myself does not mean I love others less. It just means that I choose to treat myself better, pamper myself like a princess, and not letting others take advantage of me. I will not be a doormat where others can step in, step out , step on and step off anytime they like.

I realize now that this is my own life that I am living . I make my own choices and I am the one who calls the shots . Nobody lives my life. It is me who leads my own life. Not my parents, my siblings or well meaning people who want only the best for me, and of course, definitely not green and red-eyed people who wish only the worst for me.

I love my present life so much so that I am determined to protect it the best that I can. That means giving it the respect that it deserves; giving it the care that it needs; being wary of the people whom I allow into my life and personal space; standing up for my rights; being assertive. Sticking up for myself-because if I don't , nobody else will do it for me.

 

For that to happen, I need to be bold, confident and voice out exactly what crosses my mind and heart.

Jean, love yourself for I love you so, so much.

What about loving others? What does it mean to love others?

Loving others mean having the best interest of others at heart. It means teaching them how to catch their own fish, not fishing for them all the time. It is always encouraged for you to help them and guide them for the first few times . But can you do it forever? The answer is: No. A strong, insistent and vehement "No".

 

Physically, you won't be there to hold their hands for the rest of their lives. You can't be with them every minute of the day. Therefore, you got to let them survive on their own accord, carve out their own niche and nest.

The tough ones jump and leap up from their seats and look at every change as a precious and golden opportunity. The fearful and dependent ones will cling onto whatever they can, unwilling to step out of their comfort zones, unless you swing them over the cliff forcefully and allow them to discover for themselves the exhilaration and unknown abilities of flying in the air, as well as the wonderful feeling of freedom, unbounded by any chains whatsoever.

Loving others, also, is not proportional to being obliging all the time. Life is not a one way street. If it were, everybody would end up the same way at the same destination, regardless of their starting point. Instead, it is made up of a myriad of choices. It's a puzzle, a maze! And, that's the best part about life! It's risky. It's challenging. The fun in living is that you have the absolute liberty of determining your next set of actions. That's what makes life worth living. Making choices at each point of time, implementing it and chewing on the impact and consequences to see whether it will turn out to be pleasantly sweet to the soul or utterly bitter and indigestable that you just got to spew it all out and try a whole new set of actions once again.

So, here's what I gathered: Conventional choices equals conventional life; Unconventional choices lead to an extraordinary life at the edge and off the cliff!
 

In life, there is never a dead-end. Every path that you take leads you to survival on a whole new level. At the end of the day, if you look at the big picture, you'd realize that we're all akin to little ants working our way up towards the top, climbing the same oak tree.

 

So, don't try to push others away or kill others just because you want to be at the first. Look at history. Since the ancient times, what have you done that is new to humanity? Ultimately, what does it mean to be the richest, the best, the first? After all, there have been so many others before you who achieved the same goals. And where have they all ended up? Didn't they fall to the ground too, after reaching the top?

 

Instead, let's uphold one another in love, strengthen each other, climb up the tree together and enjoy the view from the top while we are still alive! Joy shared with loved ones are multiplied many folds, more precious and valuable than solitary happiness.

 

So, love yourself and love one another. Life is precious. Life is short. Rather than spending it in misery, fear or anxiety, it's better to let go, trust, love and see that the world is beautiful and colourful, filled with rainbows and sunshine at every corner you turn!

 

 

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For there are these three things that endure:

Faith, Hope and Love,

but the greatest of these is Love.

(1 Corinthians 13:13)

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The Alluring Candle

There's something about candles. The way its flame flickers in the dark, emitting light and radiating heat simultaneously, catches my attention always. Each time my focus falls on it, I can't take my eyes off it! I just have to steal another glance, take three to four more looks before I can peel my eyes away from it.

 

Especially scented candles. When I hint a whiff of its fragrance, a sense of calm washes over me as I inhale its aroma. Ahhh... candles....

 

Its flames are like butterfly dancers, with a life of its own, while its wick stays rooted solidly in a pool of evenly liquiefied wax.

 

Somehow, it reminds me of life, which can be as fragile as the flames. When the wind blows, it'll sway in the direction accordingly. But when the wind increases its velocity, the flames struggle to stay put. When the wind turns into a storm, the flames (try as they might), will never survive the storm. One by one, the strong winds put out the bright, burning flames and turn them into a trail of light, grey smoke.

 

I love the candle. Let me see it burning for a few more seconds. 

 

Don't put out the flames just yet.

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Stop! Stop! Don't burn out now!

Your flame - symbolizes hope,

Your sway - symbolizes life,

Your heat - symbolizes warmth,

So, stay alive!

Candle!

Stay alive!

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Relationships

In Dubai, there are lots of single men and women. Hence, it ought to be an ideal place to seek a lifetime partner/companion, or your future husband or wife. Yet, it's easier to speculate than to actually go about putting it into action. In short, it's easier said than done. 

 

First of all, this is a place for expats. Companies don't usually hire fresh graduates as expats. Usually they hire professionals with ten or more years of experience. So, if you're thirty and below, and you're here, chances are most of your colleagues will be aged forty and above.

 

Next, because it is almost impossible to gain an Emirati citizenship, most people are in Dubai only temporarily. Nobody can be here forever. This place is like a transit. Since it is the hub of the Middle East, one can easily travel to Europe, Africa, India, Pakistan, without giving it a second thought. Some transit here for six months, some even up to ten or twenty years! So, to form meaningful, long-lasting relationships is a challenge. Most of the time, when relationships start, the other party might have to leave for another place next. Everybody is so mobile here, that sometimes even though one stays in the same house, a couple might meet each other only once a month. And for them to meet, they even have to schedule appointments in each other's calendars.

 

In addition, the main aim of working here is to earn as much as possible. Many have stressful jobs which require them to work 7 days a week, more than 8 hours a day. By the time they get off work, they'd be exhausted. So, what are the chances of you forming deep, meaningful relationships with somebody? Slim. Really slim.

 

Anyway, a friend is analyzing why many are still single and here's his advice for all singles out there (especially after I did not answer his calls and he promised never to call me if I was uncomfortable with him calling just to ask 'how are you' daily, even if we are just friends).

 

If someone approaches you:

1.  Never shut the door. One should always open it (with limits of course).

2.  Treat others the way you want to be treated - with respect.

3. Study and observe people physically to form meaningful relationships. Get to know and understand the people you mix with.

4.  If you plan to take it a step further, ask these questions:

     - Where do you see yourself in one year's time, or ten years down the road? 

     - Apart from verbal communication, can you communicate non-verbally?

5.  Always weigh their actions, and give them room to grow and develop.

6.  Allow the person to reveal their true selves. Gauge for yourself if the desired characteristics are in there. 

7.  Observe ... as time goes on.

 

And these tips apply not just for looking for your future potential marriage candidates, it also applies to seeking business partners. As with all relationships, you need to see whether you can trust that person, whether both of you have the same principles, philosophies and goals, before deciding to dump in millions on a major investment.

 

Gradually, with time, as trust is established, love and zeal develops into protectiveness and jealousy.

 

Then, you'll have another issue to lament about.

 

So, be contented. Don't go stirring and poking around the burning charcoal to force sparks flying out of the bonfire. Sometimes, curiousity backfires.

 

 

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Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you,
    by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love,
    until it so desires.

(Song of Songs 2:7)

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The Teaching Father

Few days back, I was studying and working at the resident's lounge when I heard a father teaching his daughter English. The father-daughter pair conversed in Arabic. As the father pored over his daughter's homework, the daughter (whom I presumed to be around seven or eight years of age) jumped up and down the couch, prancing around the coffee table.

 

Then the father told her, "Sit down please. Now, where is the fireman?"

 

It seemed to be a question directly from the book.

 

But the daughter continued speaking in Arabic, and I think she did not reply seriously and did not respond to her father's questions immediately. I guess when learning a second language, it always takes time to think and translate for processing and understanding.

 

Her father got impatient and muttered in English, "Move your brains! Girl! Move your brains!"

 

And I had a hearty laugh that night as I thought about her father's funny response.

My Final Decision

So, I finally made up my mind. The temptation to stay in Dubai is stronger than the lure of starting life anew in Netherlands. At first, I thought I wouldn't mind. 30% pay cut, increased workload, I wanted and needed it desperately. But, oh! As the day approached and loomed like a dark cloud over my head, reality sets in, my knee jerks. My heart skips a beat. My eyes pop out and pop back in.

 

"Do you really want to do this, Jean?"

 

"Are you sure? Are you really, really sure?"

 

"Are you ready to give up this nice, comfortable life you have in Dubai and trade it for a work-encompassed life in Holland?"

 

On second thought, maybe not.

 

Life's just nice here. Come to work at 8am, leave at 5pm. It's a stress-free life. What more can I ask for? No where else in the world, will I be able to find such a job. I may have lamented about it in the beginning. But now, I have grown to like it! It's unbelievable, but it's true!

 

I'm not prepared to leave it just yet. I have friends who love me for who I am; friends who encourage me, friends who hang out with me, friends who guide me, friends who protect me... friends who lift my spirits up and pray for me. I am surrounded by people who love life and love God so, so much!

 

Will I find a similar community out of Dubai, who resembles the group of friends I have grown so close to, whom I've come to regard as my family?

 

Somehow, I doubt it.  Relationships like these take time to form. I don't want to bid adieu to them yet. It's too early! Life has just started to take shape. I have just learnt how to smell spring in the air, but I haven't seen the flowers blossoming yet!

 

I've spotted birds in the sky, but I haven't seen them on the trees or green grass. I want to see another sand storm, go through 2 more summers and 2 more winters. I want to take another dip into the ocean at the peak of summer and dive into the heated pool in winter. It's too early!

 

Life here is too good to be true and I don't want it to come to an end.

 

Somebody once asked me, "If you love Dubai so much, how long do you intend to stay here?"

 

My answer?

 

"As long as possible. I'll do whatever it takes to stay out here."

 

I keep reminding myself that in Dubai, everybody is just transiting. Nobody stays here forever. No matter where we come from, all of us have to return to our homes eventually. I know, I know. But I am not ready to leave yet. Not now.

 

So, Jean, stay put. Stop wandering. Stop seeking. Start giving your best, go all out in your job to work wonders and contribute as much as you can. The sky is the limit. Go for it. Once you put your will to work, the strength, energy, inspiration and zest will naturally flow through, like meandering rivers coming together at full force to cut through solid rock, uproot trees and and leave a lasting impression on those it encounters.

 

Hang on in there! Don't give up just yet. You're a suvivor. You can do it! You're doing great. There are some chances which you only get once in life. This experience, is one of it. It's a once in a lifetime chance for me. Living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and yet establishing genuine relationships with those who live in it.

 

Ain't I privileged indeed?

 

Oh God... Thank you so much for showering me abundantly with your blessings. I will remain in your love and ensure everything I do is synchronized with your will for me.