Go with the flow or against the tide...

If you have what you want and are living your dream, stay;
If you don't have what you want but you know you 'll get it in future, stay;
If you don't have what you want and think you'll never get it, stay, wait and evaluate your chances;
If you don't have what you want and know you will never get it, then it's time to swim against the waves;
It's time to live your hopes and ideals.
It's now or never.

Most importantly, never stop!

Keep on swimming!

Step up, step out!

Home, Family, Ambition

After two years of roaming around other people's countries, I'm finally back home. Not too long, just for a month. But still, longer than the duration of my vacation for the past few years. Guess what? It feels good to be back home!

 

Finally, I can string words of three to four languages together in a single sentence and everybody understands me. I can communicate just by my facial expressions without having to utter anything. I can just give a suggestion and everybody obliges. I see more happy and smiling faces around me everywhere I go. I love it. Yes! I'm finally home!

 

As I look around my home sweet home, I notice a few things. For example, the rusted 'stainless steel' rack in my shower room, the leaking windows and walls of my house, the ill-fitting dish rack in my kitchen, the yellow-stained plastic bowls which I bought three years ago, the gas-stove with only two functioning burners out of four... It's time to change.

 

Yet, there are some things which we cannot change. Like the íncreasing strands of silver hair of my mum's, or my youngest brother's becoming gruffy, manly and authoritative voice, or my eldest brother's love for fast-food and sedentary lifestyle...

 

"After going abroad for so long, what is it that truly matters in life?" my juniour asks me as we have lunch together.

 

"Definitely not money." I answered without a moment's hesitation. "It's bonding.. family bonds and ties, love, friendship."

 

I love to see the flicker of light in my brother's eyes as I suggest steak for dinner, the glow on his cheeks as we buy new crockery for our house, to see my mum break into a bright, beaming smile through the corners of her mouth as I cook and serve piping, hot plate of steamed fish on the table, and to hear my family's glowing compliments of the tangy, zesty, chicken salad that I mixed for them...

 

Is there anything more important than money in life?

 

Suddenly, I realize that I have to earn lots to afford and provide a comfortable lifestyle for my family. What is a little sacrifice compared to the comfort that they (or all of us) will be able to enjoy with the 'fruits' that come along with it? Without pruning, from whence comes sweet fruit? When everybody gets to achieve everything that they desire, Í get the satisfaction that every drop of blood, every ounce of sweat, was well worth the pain. This, is Asia, after all, where wealth is distributed across the family. 

 

That, is why, probably I'm ambitious. I want a better life, quality life, which affords me the freedom to do what I want, to meet more new people, and travel to countries with wonders and exotic names. I'm ambitious because I know it can be better. I want it to be better. Not only for myself, but also my family and friends.

 

Who says a woman has to discard ambition just to take care of her home and family? I've seen many examples and it works. Very well. In fact, it is precisely because of our loved ones that we have so many ambitions, which will lead to resources to protect them and give them the life that they desire. So, just because we have a family, it doesn't mean that we have to sacrifice one to achieve the other. We can still enjoy our family and achieve our ambitions simultaneously.

Lemon, it is only sour when you first bite into it, but you can definitely do it. Get up, Jean, face the world and the music! Time to stand up for yourself and take charge! Surrender everything to God and He will take cafe of the rest. Trust in Him.

Loving Life!

I love Dubai. I do not know how many times have I said it, but i just love it. No doubt there are times when I do complain about it and the experienced ones would say, "International assignments are tough. Not many can withstand the trials that come with it."

So, with each complaint that I threw out, many people has helped me to resolve it, offering their own way of dealing with it and various recommendations on how it could have been done differently if they could do it all over again. From them, I learnt that I could evaluate their advice, apply it, ignore it or do it differently. The key is to do something about it, not just whine about it.

 

And my! Have I learnt much since I came to Dubai! I am so proud that I have come such a long way. It is not easy, but I survived anyway. I found out that humans are a tough lot. All of us have a strong will to live.  No matter what we go through , we will always manage to live through it all. For if God is with us, who can be against us? So fret not. God is here and He is on our side. I just can't stop talking about Him or praising Him .

Next, I learnt to be independent, assertive, discerning, smart, observant, and see with my heart and my mind. I learnt to take the time to listen to people for everybody has something to share, young or old; to be interested in people; Not to be too sad when friends or family disappoint me because we are merely humans.

 

Most of all, I found out that God is my home. Therefore wherever I am, there is my home and I will not fear for God is with me. So I tell myself, "I will remain in Him. I will trust in god and rely on him always and put my hope in him every second  for He is my provider."

Yet, life-it is a long continuous journey of learning. There is still much more for me to develop. Self control, for one. I know I am a little too emotional at times. I cry easily, laugh too freely, get a little irritated when things don't go my way. I know I should practice self-restraint, control my emotions. I shouldn't wear it on my sleeve. I shouldn't be so open and share with everyone what I think or even show my last card to others. But when I'm happy and perfectly comfortable and relaxed in a peculiarly curious sort of way, I begin to talk so freely and start babbling about my personal life, even with strangers. It's risky.  I should start thinking of neutral topics to strike conversations, not just about my life, as interesting as it may be. Tact for this area certainly has ample room for development.

Personally, I think I've taken a long and hard rocky road of self discovery. I think God must love me very much. He placed so many people who advised me to love and pamper myself and treat myself like a princess. They built up a safe, loving environment and a training ground for me to say no and what I truly mean to say without hurting myself or them. They taught me to stand up for myself and set boundaries. They taught me to think of my own interests instead of accommodating or obliging others all the time. They taught me that it isn't wrong to care for myself or protect my own niche. They taught me to see that if I can be self-reliant, others could too! Why allow others to step all over me or use me as a door mat when they could do it on their own? They taught me to create an environment to teach others to fend for themselves instead of getting into the habit of riding on others for a free ride. Time and time again, when I failed to get the message, God sent people in different shapes, tones and sizes to knock the message into my thick skull.

By now, I think I've learnt all there is to know in Dubai. It's time to put what I learnt into practise. To throw myself in the ocean and really start kicking and swimming. It is in Dubai, I stopped poring through endless stacks of books, theories and philosophies or dive through my work like a spirit possessed workaholic. It is here in Dubai that I began to learn what it truly means to live, to embrace life, to explore and experiment it with zest, passion and curiosity. It is here I discovered that life cannot be summarized in a word, much like Indian curry.

Suffice to say, I learnt loads here and I will use it, apply it, embed it into my nature and share it with others who will need it in future. May God grant me a strong and absorbent memory sponge and a strong spirit.

 

Bidding Adieu

 Farewells. It's a complicated affair. Some love it, some hate it, some ignore it.

 

Since I announced my departure from Dubai permanently, I have come to form stronger bonds with even more people! Some took the opportunity to declare their admiration for my beauty, wisdom and strengths; Some used it as a platform to encourage me to pursue my dreams and reinforce the spirit of unwavering determination and enthusiasm in me; while others 'prophesied' about my beautiful future, with a postgraduate certificate and a nice, handsome hubby, painting a picture of a Proverbs 31 woman who has it all.

 

There are some too, who treat this departure of mine as an everyday affair. I know and I understand their point of view perfectly well. There are too many people who come and go in our lives. Do we say goodbye to all of them? Is a party or a farewell dinner really necessary?

 

Once a workaholic, I used to think that all these were unnecessary. "Bah!" I thought! "Humbug! Gifts, parties , speeches... what a waste of time. Work comes first. If everybody were busy attending these social events, where would we find time to complete our work?"

 

But since I came here, and found a team of workaholics who thought exactly like me, I realized that all these seemingly 'time-wasting' social events are really necessary, not only for appreciation towards one's presence and contribution, but also for acknowledging the reality and celebration of the event.

 

Over the course of the past two weeks, even though there were no formal farewell party or presentation of gifts at my department, the fact that each of my colleagues took the effort to invite me individually to their houses or favourite haunts for Iftar-s, melted my heart. They went all out to buy 3D cards for me, thought of words that struck the core of my spirit and made me laugh the whole night, reminiscing about our times together and foreseeing the bright future that we have ahead of us.

 

My church mates on the other hand, all gave me a big, tight, warm hug. I will definitely miss those hugs which lift me up when I'm sad and hopeless; and those nights when we all sat huddled together, seeking God, cheering each other on, wondering how to answer, 'what do you think about .... ' questions.

 

Saying 'bye' may be hard. But it has also made me realized that each one of us has a positive impact on one another's lives, regardless of whether we know it or not.

 

But with each farewell that I bade, the resounding message that always bounced back and drummed into my head was "Be Yourself." Is it because I strive to be perfect in every way? Is it because I try too hard to be somebody I'm not? Or perhaps it's because I think too much?

 

I wonder...

 

All I know for now is, from now on, I will be myself. I will laugh, cry, and smile without any restraint for one whole year. I can dress up and not dress down. I will say what I think and what I mean and not the exact opposite. I will uphold my integrity at all times. I will do the right thing. I will stand up for myself and set appropriate boundaries. I will identify the various levels and circles of relationships. Most importantly, I will abide in Him for as long as we abide in Him, He will abide in us. And with that, we will have nothing to worry about!

 

 

Drawing Parallelisms

I like parallelisms. It simplifies life, which can be complicated in unimaginable ways.

 

So this morning, I'm running around the lake and had five 'Aha!'  moments.

 

#1: I'm running round and round in circles.

Parallelism: Suddenly, I realize that life is a cycle. No matter which direction we run, clockwise or counterclockwise, we still end up at the same place.

#2. The morning sun is about 5 degrees in the sky from the centre of the earth. I run, sometimes facing the scorching sun, sometimes under the cooling shade of trees.

Parallelism:  Life has its equal share of ups and downs. One causes immense happiness, another wrenches our heart. Both do not last forever.

 

#3: It's hot, I run as fast as I can. It's cooling and I run a little slower.

Parallelism: When you find the place that you want to be in, relax and unwind. Enjoy it while it lasts or until you get bored and need a drastic change in life.

 

#4. I look around me. All I see are tall, man-made buildings. I look up, I see the clouds in the heavens. I look down, I see springs, flowers and grasses.

Parallelism: Very often, we always look around us and tend to rely on our own strength or others for support. Very rarely, do we look up and down to realize that we have a God who is with us 24/7,day or night, rain or shine, winter or summer. Look up, from time to time, and realize that you are not alone and you have absolutely nothing to fear.

 

#5. I am enjoying the warmth of the sun rays. After some time, it gets too hot. Oh no! It's biting into me. I gotta run!

Parallelism: When the circumstances get too tough, we can opt to change our circumstances. You always have the freedom to change. It's not always that you have to grit your teeth, and bear with the heat. Once you hear yourself complaining, alarms are sounding to warn you that your boundaries have been violated. Take action. You're human. You're mobile. You can move yourself out of the situation. Be courageous. Take risks. You will then be able to view things from a whole new perspective.

 

There are some who say, simple people complicate life, complex people simplify life. I must be in the first category. I think too much. I should stop analyzing everything.

 

It's just a run, Jean.

 

Get a life!

 

Life is about deciding what's best for yourself: pursuing it, implementing it, achieving it, evaluating it and sharing it.

 

Live it.

Precious Lifetime Lessons...

Before I came to Dubai, I was a lost soul. Lost, in terms of time, work, priorities, and many other areas. The only thing I knew and absolutely sure was that I was an engineer, and along with that came the perks and prestige of being one. Therefore, I took pride in my work and made absolutely sure that I did my best at it, for that was the only thing I did well.
 

Then, I came to Dubai, and everything changed. Like the inflection point of a sinusoidal curve. At the peak of my career, suddenly everything just seemed to slide down the deep ravine speedily. In fact, it seemed that everything I knew and earned before then, seemed to dissolve and disappear into emptiness.

 

 

Needless to say, I got agitated. I wrestled with myself internally and, fought with others verbally, refusing to accept the fact that there was no turning back. Little did I know that the moment I accepted this assignment, I would be here to stay for at least 1-3 years.

 

 

Thankfully, with the passing of time, I gradually came to see the bright side of everything, got my facts correct, and straighened my wry perception towards my Chinese colleagues, locals and social interaction, and myself.
 

So, here's what I learnt while I worked with my Chinese colleagues. I hope I will, never, ever forget it. May it be deeply engrained in my DNA and my brains.

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 

Interview the offspring of any Chinese who was born out of China, about what they think about the Mainland Chinese, the most common answer would be, "They are loud, boisterous, uncouth, and calculative. They're very materialistic. Everything revolves around money and advantages. No money, no benefit, no talk. They are communists. They are atheists. Therfore, they are ruthless."
 

On the other hand, interview any local Chinese from China about what they think of Chinese abroad, and they'll tell you, "They are not Chinese anymore. They have lost our Chinese culture. They do not know how to speak, read and write Mandarin characters. They don't know the history of China. Therefore, they are not Chinese. Even if they are, it is only by physical features, not by thinking or attitude. They have lost our heritage."
 

So, when I first joined my Chinese colleagues at work, a lot of adjustments of perceptions had to be made. For example, I learned that even though not all Chinese speak English, but they made tremendous effort in learning and mastering this global language to be able to get the message across. When I spent six weeks in Beijing, I began to understand what a struggle it was to pick up English in an environment where more than 90% of the signage, advertisements, broadcast channels were in the local language. Almost all the bookstores sold books in Mandarin language, and one had to travel to the city centre, just to get a copy of a book in English.  I also found out that to be able to speak fluent English, some people memorized all the words in the Oxford dictionary, some attended weekly speech classes, while some watched American movies and immitated their accent and slang, ensuring that each syllable was uttered with the exact intonation indicated in the dictionary.

 

 

I also learnt that life in the villages of China was tough, and it still is. For my colleagues to be where they are today, it is an accomplishment indeed. One colleague tells of how he wanted to quit school to help out on the family's farm, but was abandoned at the roadside by his dad and forced to attend school. Another colleague talks about how a visit back to his hometown will always involve cash distribution to the whole village and family members.  With the Chinese, it is an unspoken rule. Those who are better off, must always take care of the struggling ones. It's an unspoken duty of a filial child-son or daughter. It's a must. Blood is thicker than water.

 

 

When I first came, I found some of my colleagues rather aloof and uncommunicative. The whole office would be as quiet as a library at most times. I learnt that this is a result of the one-child policy, most children got everything they wanted, and there was no need for sharing. They learned to demand, instead of ask; instruct, instead of enquire. Kids as young as three, learn to manipulate others (including adults) to get what they want.
 

In the office, most Chinese found talking a waste of time, an unproductive action. I have to admit, before I joined them, I thought so too! In my parent company, whenever people began making small talk about their families, vacations, friends, anything unrelated to work, I considered it an absolute waste of time too! Why indulge in talking when our precious time could be used to generate productive work? It is heavenly to find that in this respect, I am not alone. There is a whole country's population who shares the same view as me.

 

 

But, I also learnt that having an entire team who don't communicate with each other can be detrimental. For a team to work effectively, rapport is important! Otherwise, there will be mistrust,  dissensions, agitation and, annoyance. The more stories people share with each other, the closer they bond, the easier it is for them to work together as they unravel each other's true colours.


The most amazing quality that I learned from my Chinese colleagues are their strong spirit of perseverance. In their vocabulary, I don't even think the word 'giving-up' exists. Whenever met with a roadblock, they will always turn and walk around it, or knock it down. They will never, ever accept 'no' for an answer. When encountered with the word 'no', they will argue, debate, reason, and question until they squeeze a 'yes' out of you. In the end, the challenging party will always be the last one standing.


Of course, this spirit is not only demonstrated in terms of verbal arguments. It is also especially evident when it comes to realizing their ambitions. Once, there was this guy who wanted to publish his manuscript, but nobody else wanted to publish it. So, he paid the publisher to publish his book and distributed it for free! Just so that he could claim on the resume that he is an author of a book.


Always strive to be the best and achieve your dreams, here's one of my most treasured lessons. When your desires cannot be fulfilled by your organization, work around it, and it will be eventually achieved. But don't blame others or yourself for the hiccups which occured in your life. It is an immature and irresponsible response. Instead, be accountable for your own dreams and vision. Pursue it with zest, passion and zeal. After all, you're the only one who knows what you truly want and are capable of. It is only with dreams and hopes that we keep ourselves alive. Without these notions, we'd be like zombies, living on a ticking clock, executing our responsibilities, waiting for our time to grow old, retire and pass on, into another realm.


Finally, I admire the Chinese for the calm and cool way they deal with matters. In the office, people have a lot of mutual respect for each other. Nobody gossips or backbites. When the boss gets mad, she just smiles and reprimands you, softening the blow. They seldom, if ever, raise their voices against their subordinates. They dissipate anger with humour. Very little sarcasm or cynicism involved. Direct and straight to the point. No beating around the bush, more time reduced for interpretating whether the boss meant well or actually meant the exact opposite. It is an exteremely harmonious working environment. Integration of unity and team spirit. I learned that there is no need to activate the anger and irate buttons to push others to act. For the two years that I have worked with them, I have never heard a single word of complaint. I realized then, I should stop complaining all together and be grateful for everything that I have, in the past, present and future.

 

Most of all,  I learned that no two individuals are exactly alike. Time and time again, I relearn that the actions of one individual does not represent that of the whole nation; and the mentality or characteristics of majority of a nation, does not necessarily represent those of all individuals. The fact that there's a majority, indicate that a minority exists.


Before I began working with my Chinese colleagues, I was apprehensive, harbouring many preconceptions about my Chinese counterparts. Yet, after this short stint, I learnt that these views are mere sweeping statements.


So, open your eyes, start appreciating each individual whom you meet and discover the core of their souls.