My PhD Journey

Yes! I finally submitted my PhD thesis in February 2020! I am elated! Overjoyed! Finally, I can relax, and drink a cup of tea and focus on watching a movie without being interrupted by thoughts of my research.

Thinking back, it has been a long and arduous journey. Sleepless nights, months away from my family, losing time to play and have fun with my friends and getting to make new acquaintances, are some of the sacrifices that I have made on this journey. Then again, I have also developed more compassion, empathy and communication skills. I would say these are definitely more valuable than all the technical skills combined. After all, we are humans. The feeling and knowledge that we are cared for makes our life all the more worth living.

Many a times, I have been asked the following questions: Why do you want to do a PhD?  What is the hardest part about doing a PhD? Would you do it again, if you could turn back time? Now that I have released all the tension in my veins, I can sit back and give a deep thought to these questions and answer them one by one.

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Why do you want to do a PhD?

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Let's begin with the first question. I wanted to do a PhD for many reasons. Firstly, I wanted to learn something new. By the time I was accepted for the PhD program in January 2016, I had accumulated nine years of working experience as an engineer and some knowledge in geology. I wanted to know more about geophysics and develop my expertise in the seismic domain. The thought of learning something new excited me. Next, I thought that by getting a Dr. for a title in front of my name would increase my credibility during communication with other experts, reducing the frequencies of arguing over technical issues and workflows. Finally, I would also get a break from work. Year after year of mid-year and year-end performance reviews were stressing me up. Over the years, I found myself desiring to do something more meaningful, something that would impact the industry positively and accelerate workflows, instead of spending hours in meeting rooms without being exposed to any sunlight at all.

In the movies, normal ordinary citizens often turn into heroes when triggered by an event or person. In my case, I was triggered to put my plan of pursuing a PhD into action when I posed a question to one of the higher management, "How long should I continue to push for the change I want?"

The manager answered, "For as long as you live."

When I heard that, I instantly thought, "Wow! I am thirty-three this year. I am young and energetic. Why would I want to push for a change that I don't even know will happen eventually? Won't it be a waste of my time, my youth, my energy? I might as well put my time to better use and do something fruitful with it."

Well, that settled it. By September 2016, I was out flying halfway across the world to take the biggest step of my life. 

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What is the hardest part about doing a PhD?

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It is well known that life as a PhD student is tough. But what exactly makes it tough? Is it the research process? The loneliness? The busyness? The countless times of failure and rejection and need to try new things, over and over again? It is all of these, and perhaps, many more factors that I am unable to articulate in words.

Having to persevere in spite of multiple failures and rejection is nothing new to me. After all, when we study, we have to try approaching questions and exercises from multiple dimensions to deepen our understanding about a specific subject. Busyness - is something I have been accustomed to as an engineer in a corporate organization. But loneliness - is one of the obstacles that I have to get used to and overcome.

While I was working, I was frequently surrounded by colleagues, friends and family members who enjoyed doing fun, healthy activities together and having a good conversation over teas and cakes. However, once I began my life as a research student in a foreign country, I quickly discover how isolated this journey can be.

First of all, as PhD students in engineering, we spend hours in front of the computer running simulations, thinking and doing literature reviews. Since our funds are restricted to three years, we have a strict deadline to meet. Otherwise, we would have to dig from our savings to extend our visa,  pay for our accommodation and just to survive. Hence, we often work 'til the wee hours of the night and even mornings. Once, a colleague of mine was even found sleeping under his desk in the office by a patrolling security guard. While the guard was astounded by his finding, my professor was all too quick to dismiss it with "Oh! My student is working hard! I wish all my students were working as hard as him!"

Yes. Doing a PhD requires utmost dedication, passion and commitment to finish what we started. Sometimes, up to the point where I even forgot to get up from my chair after sitting in it for eight straight hours. It is most depressing during winter, when I get up and glance towards the window, I am always surprised by how dark it has turned outside and often wondered why did the sun set so quickly whilst I felt like I had just sat in my chair.

The hardest part is to make new friends with the Masters and Bachelors students, who always seem to have time for parties, gatherings and outings. Whenever they invited me to one of these activities, I had to reject them nine out of ten times. Eventually, my usual number of three to five best friends in every country I lived in dwindled down to only one or two. Before I commenced PhD, I used to have friends eating three square meals with me. At the end of my PhD journey, I was used to eating by myself or having only one person to share my meals with.

In addition to the above, loneliness is something that we often struggle with as well. When we work, we often have somebody to complain to when we encounter road blocks. This is due to the fact that all of us share the same boss or same type of workload. Since everybody is in the same predicament, it is easy for everyone to be empathetic about another's struggles. However, in a research program, it is a completely different scenario. First of all, your supervisor might have only one student - you. Therefore, whether you're happy or sad with your supervisor's comments/advice/characteristics, you can only share it with yourself or your supervisor. Next, you might be the only one who's working on your research topic. Nobody has done it before. Your supervisor is there to guide you, but not work with you. Therefore, it is up to you to think about the problem and solve it. The idea of "if I don't solve it, I won't be able to graduate on time" is constantly looming above your head. Hence, one might feel pressured and stressed out.

Due to this lonely journey, I have learned to be more sensitive. Before, I couldn't care less about what other people thought or felt. After completing the PhD journey, I often find myself pausing constantly to evaluate mine and other's people's responses and reactions towards my speech and actions. In terms of human interaction, I often seem to fall into a perpetual quandary. As we integrate our work into our lives, it could be that one evaluates more of every aspect of our lives after indulging and engaging actively in research, even human behavior. As a result, I often wonder if I could have said or done things differently, long after the end of a conversation.

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What is the most valuable lesson that you gained from your PhD?

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Many a times, I often feel like giving up, whether it's at the start of the research, middle, beginning or even the approaching end. Thankfully, I have my friends and family members and supervisors and colleagues who motivate me, one way or another. 

Through their sharing of food, cakes and biscuits, words, hugs, comfort, tears, laughter, joy, fun, visits, car-rides, journeys to the outskirts, music, concerts, badminton and jamming sessions, love, every action, every element has helped to pull me up and climb out of the valleys.

Today, I have emerged from this PhD journey a much different person. I am more thankful that I have a whole community who supports me in everything I do and continually motivates and encourages me. I definitely couldn't have done it without all of you. I hope I will become a much better person with more compassion and empathy and communication skills from now on, to share and spread that love that I have received from you, which has warmed and melted the ice in my heart.

The most valuable lesson that I learnt from this PhD journey, is to have a heart for the people around us, because love and care is the antidote to all our hurts, suffering and grievances and gives us the motivation to keep on living and loving with hope, peace and joy.

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