Being Myself...

In life, we frequently find that we have to defend our own opinions, state our stand and help others. But what happens when that boundary gets stepped on? What will you do?

Perhaps, due to past fears and apprehensions, I always keep my internal fears, worries, anxieties and thoughts all to myself. I sometimes wonder if it will ever change.

A few months back, I read a book about such reactions. To change this condition, we have to face our fears, and find out the root cause. What do you fear? Why ? What caused it? Is there any basis for it? If there is no basis, then there is no reason for you to fear. If there is a basis, what can you do to change it?

It's easy to talk and read about it. But when I find myself in this type of situation, I am always at a loss. What do I do?

Hence, when my school opened its doors for soft-skills course, the first course I picked was Emotional Intelligence.

Is this course popular? Apparently, not. Because out of 400-500 students, only six registered for it.

Anyway, I learnt a lot from this course. First, I learnt about the definition. What is emotion?
It is e-motion, energy in motion. It is a movement.

There are many types of emotions, and each affects certain parts of our bodies. Each emotion has a purpose and it gives us traffic lights about the zones we are in. Green - means safe zone. Yellow - warning! Red - Danger - my boundaries are invaded!

Did you know that emotions affect us physically too? They do! In fact, when we are happy, we tend to move in groups. When we are sad, we tend to withdraw into our shell. When we are fearful, the blood rushes to our legs, so that we can run for our lives. When we are angry, all the energy and blood rises up to the upper part of our bodies, increasing the impulsive desire to ball up our fists and fight others.

Sometimes, I wish I didn't experience certain kind of emotions. Like anger, fear, worry or sadness. I wish I could be joyful and calm all the time. But I learnt that emotions are our friends. I should not treat it like an enemy or a mountain to be conquered. By understanding it, I will force myself to confront it and release it in a healthy manner. I shouldn't deny it, repress it, fall into it, or run away from it. I should just look at it to understand it. Once I confront it face to face, a sense of peace and tranquility will wash over me. So, by looking at our emotions under the microscope, we will acknowledge it and then we will take action. If we do it often enough, it will be part of our character.

It is important to know how we feel and why we are feeling it, as it indicates that something is not being dealt with. We need to stop for a minute, like looking at a friend in a mirror, to solve it, so that it will not become a stumbling block for us in future. By developing good emotional intelligence (EI), we will have the ability to manage our emotions.

How do we become more conscious of our emotions? By paying attention to ourselves, of course! This involves a heightened level of self-awareness through constant exercing, keeping quiet, or even just sitting silently to empty our thoughts.

To be emotionally healthy, it is also important for us to put ourselves in a third-party position of an observer, to see what's happening in us, dissecting every thought with a deep incision and a sharp surgeon's knife, to understand the reasons for our feelings and do something about it.

Life is about learning. Right now, I am learning to love myself and the people around me. Connecting with people is a challenge. God knows.. I've been so lost in my own world, my books, my work, my passion, that it's hard to come out of it. I have a lot more to learn about caring.

This course is exactly what I need right now. It might not answer all the questions that I have, or transform me from a devil into an angel, but it's a good start. Stay strong, Jean! You're standing on the cliff of transformation! 

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More Memorable Advices

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~ What is important is not how others perceive you, but how you see yourself. ~

~ I know who I am. ~



Education Abroad

There is something about my friends and colleagues who studied or stayed abroad. They're chic, funny, independent, outspoken, and open-minded. They are able to organize and arrange their thoughts in a structured way. They know clearly who they are. They have a stand and form solid basis for their decisions. They do not back down in the face of oppression. Instead, they stand up to it, stare it down and scare it back to where it came from.

That is why I yearned to study abroad, for the longest time ever, since I started working.

It was with these expecations that I came to pursue my postgraduate studies in Paris. To incorporate all the values above in my own personal well-being. Initially, I thought it wouldn't be happening as I saw the size of the school, the class, the lecturers, the people and the town.



But after the Energy Transition Day today, I've changed my mind. I am gradually beginning to discover that change does not happen overnight. Transformation takes time. It's a process that occurs from inside-out.

It's easy to be influenced. I know. Because I'm one of those people who sways easily. On the pretext of being diplomatic, I tend to bend in the direction of wind, to succumb to stress of the resultant direction. Yet, I realize I can't afford to be like that anymore.

I need to state my stand, voice my thoughts. Otherwise I would be taken for a ride, or taken for a candle without a candlewick, melting without even burning. As the Professor of Exploration and Production said today, "We may have apprehensions about making certain decisions (based on gut feelings or instinct initially), but always support them with facts. Hard, solid, facts. If you sit in the middle of the fence, it's no different than having no stand at all. Choosing to sit on the fence or having no stand is also a decision. And remember, you are responsible for your decisions. "

In short, always ask "Why?! Why?! Why?!" and support your answers with "figures, statistics, graphs, evidences, proof", not with "just because I don't feel like it"  or "Just because I don't think it's right". There must be a basis for your fears and your confidence. If you can't identify them, you can't move forward. Without knowing the root cause, how can you expect to resolve your issues?"

Being analytical is good after all! Finally! I have found someone who resonates along the same frequency as me.



So,  now that I'm back to my active, dynamique, energetic, optimistic mode, I'll describe my present school!  

It's small. It is a 'C' - shaped building, with glass windows in every room

(that's what I like most about the classrooms)!

Whenever the Professor stands in front of the blackboard to explain something,

my mind frequently wanders of the window,

my eyes staring at the raindrops falling and rolling down the leaves,

or bouncing off the metal bars;

or the leaves turning from green to red to brown,

 and eventually peeling themselves off from the branches, leaf by leaf;

I see dawn arriving later and later,

and notice dusk arriving earlier and earlier;

I see the sky switching from day to night, and night to day;

I see blue birds flying across the window,

hopping happily from one branch to another, without a care in the world;

My soul is transported to a whole new world, 

with singing birds, bright flowers, swaying trees, rainbows, snow flakes and light, floating clouds...

Oh.. this is my world... my whole new world!

I see trees with leaves and without leaves,

leaves of different shades of green, red, and brown...

I'm starting to wonder when will the first snow flakes fall this year...

I love quiz time in my school!

Each of us are given this special device on the left to key in our respective answers.

A software will calculate the percentage of students who gave the correct answers!

It's so cool!

My multi-national class, each of different shapes, sizes, colours, height and characters.

It's interesting and wakes me up everyday!

Colourful people with interesting personalities...

(Like blunt pencils, we're being sharpened daily too!)

Perspectives

I have a fear of formulas. I wonder if there's a term for it. If agoraphobia means fear of spiders , and claustrophobia means fear of enclosed spaces, what's the term to describe fear of formulas?

Yet, even so, I still think maths is interesting!

 

After studying for 10 weeks, I finally think I'm learning something new! I just found out the definition of Laplace Equation. It's: Capillary Pressure = Sigma / R.

 

But, guess what? it's also equals to:

Laplace Equation to get Capillary Pressure

 

Anyway, I came up with a question. If Pc = Interfacial tension / radius, why do we need to add the two radiuses together? Why not just use one radius?

 

I asked around and the first answer was, "To solve a problem, we need to look at it from three dimensions, not just one. It will increase the accuracy and precision of your solutions."

 

Suddenly I remember what many has tried to tell me but failed. In life, it's similar. We should look at things from various angles, not just zoom in on one part and zero in on it. Look at it from multiple dimensions! Dissect everything from every perspective to arrive to the most representative solution.

Much later, while reading another book, I found out that R1 and R2 represented the radius of the oil stringer in the throat and pores respectively. Wow! I was delighted!

It was then, I realized: There is not just one way or approach of looking at things.

 

Another reservation of mine (before coming here), was to memorize formulas for calculations. But, a question lingered in my mind. Formulas are basic fundamentals, it's available everywhere, in help manuals, guide books, text books etc. Why do we need to learn and memorize formulas?

As if reading my thoughts, our course coordinator proceeded with the next phrase, "Even so, even if you have it in all the books and all the computers, when you know your formulas by heart, you can review the work of others. You can make fast computations by your head and hand, so you can detect anomalies easily. Use it, practise it, apply it and make it part of your skill. You need to take home something for your professional life. It is now."
 

In fact, physics and mathematics are teaching me a lot about life at the moment. Everyday, I am learning something amazingly philosophical from them every day. I never thought both could be linked! (until this week).

For example, here's what I found out:

1. Most phenomeneon can be represented with the power law (just like how most things in life yield a straight line when plotted on a logarithmic scale).

2. In physics, we make lots of simplistic assumptions. For instance, we assume that a porous media is perfectly homogeneous, isotropic and filled with a single phase fluid. Yet, our professor reminded us, "The world is not perfect. It's complicated. And that, applies to life in general, as well as our reservoirs!"

3. Fractal dimensions: A statistical comparison of how details in a pattern changes with the scale at which it is measured. In short, every time we zoom into something, we will find things that we've never noticed before. Likewise, when we zoom out, we notice new things too! What happens at micro-scale, happens at macro-scale. One just has to decide at which dimension will one decide to look and form the basis of his/her approach. For instance, the movement of continental plates were observed on a larger scale, and the relationship between pore throat size distribution, porosity and permeability were made on a microscopic scale. So, between zooming in and zooming out, I learnt that we have to view issues at various scales to come up with the best possible solution. All we need to do, is to decide the range of scales that will be used as a measure.

4. The concept of Episcopal Litany (in relation to geology): What happened at the beginning, will happen now and in the future. A world that is volatile, mobile, evolving and constantly metamorphosing.

5. The concept of Comparative, Relative and Superlative (in relation to statistics): The theory of comparing to identify and create distinct features. In life, it is a representation of the human's inner desire to be the best in everything. The need to optimize, and create added value, turning useless waste into precious resource.

Physics and Maths are interesting! I'm falling in love with it by the minute!
 

A Brand New Day

I love opening the window early in the morning! Oh my! It's November, and it's winter now! Yes! Finally! My long-awaited winter! Even though the daytime is getting shorter, I still like it. At least I get to open my window, pull open the the blinds and say a cheery "Good morning!" to the trees, the birds, the clouds and the sun!

 

Ahhh! This is something that I'd never get to do back home!

 

 

My Room's Magical Window

 

I love saying "Bonjour!" to the sun in the sky as I open the blinds each morning

I love seeing clouds flying past my window as I open it each morning

I love everything right now!

 

The trees by the river (near my daily jogging route)

Oh.. I just love jogging along the river!

 

 

It rains here every morning, afternoon and evening.

Despite that, it's just a shower. Not heavy rain. Without lightning and thunder.

It's mild. It's not monsoon. Just slight drizzle, a light shower.

I love the way the rain drops form little pearls on the bright coloured fruits...

 

Oh!!! Lots of carpet grass here too!

With brown leaves scattered here and there.

I like the way the wind rustles the trees and sweeps across the carpet of grass.

It's just therapeutic....

My, oh my! I wish I can stay here for a long, long, time.

I just love staying in such a place, with green grass, blue sky, and nice, cool, air!

 

 

 

 

 

Nostalgia

After 3 months in Paris, I miss Dubai. I miss my friends who love and appreciate me more than myself, and in the process, taught me to treat myself like a princess and a queen. I miss the easy, care-free life. I miss the warm weather, the jogs around the lake, the walks by the beach, the hot air balloon rides, the dunes bashing.

 

I miss interacting with like-minded people whom I can just rattle away with without having to explain myself, twice or thrice in various languages, words and phrases. I miss having normal conversations without any repetitions.

 

There are other things I miss too!



 

 

I miss this glorious view from my apartment.

 

I miss seeing the flaming red flowers right in the middle of summer

I miss having candle-light dinners with fishes swiming right in front of me

And I miss celebrating my birthday with macaroons, chocolate cake

with friends who know me, in and out!

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

 Oh Lord, bless us all!

Even though we're scattered far and wide.

Help us to spread your light and your joy,

your hope, your love and your life.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

 

Battling Bitterness

After so many sweet, happy moments, I have utterly forgotten how much bitterness can a person harbour in his heart. Why did the person become so bitter? And how ?

 

Suddenly, I realize that bitterness doesn't choose its victim. It just goes on to bite everybody in sight. The one who is strong enough to resist and fight it, is the one who is strong enough to say, "No! You can't attack me! I am going to take my shield, my armour and my sword to resist you and fight you back! I am going to push you all the way back to where you came from. And I will be the victor!"

 

My shield is my faith. My armour are my loved ones. My sword are the words of God which have been planted in my heart and the belief that has been engrained in me. I know who I am and what I want. I won't be affected by what you say or what anybody else says. It's me. It's just who I am.

 

Bitterness - out you go! Pffft! (and it lands with a loud thud somewhere deep in a God forsaken area).

 

So, during the recent performance appraisal, when mon patron (my boss) gave me feedback on leadership and behaviour, he had nothing positive to say about me, that he even included his negative feedback into the positive column (even though the negative column had ample space)!

 

Needless to say, I burst out in tears once more! I had to admit, there was some truth in it. Half truth, half lies. Still, it is never easy to accept criticisms. Maybe he was trying to change me into a person whom he thinks I should be; or perhaps he was moulding me, or brain-washing me. Only God knows... what his objectives were. But when people try to change you too much, you'd only end up retaliating. Or when our principles are not alligned, we end up fighting, quarelling. Hence, that's where we ended up, my boss and I. We started off with an estranged, cordial relationship, and ended it on a fake, sour note.

 

I have many questions when it comes to injustice or discrimination. All of us experience it at one point or another. Each of us have our own ways of dealing with it. For me, I ran. Not because I was scared, weak, or timid, but because I've had enough of it. I realized that there are better and more meaningful things to do in my life rather than wasting my precious time battling demons which won me nothing but stacks of papers with numbers printed on it. I am a young, living, breathing, human and I will pursue my dreams!

 

My! How far I've journeyed! I learnt that how one views life or a location in general, is how one treats others. I just have to accept that there are just some people whom I just can't seem to communicate with, no matter how hard I try. Stop trying. They can't change us, we can't change them. Oil and water mixes only at the interface anyway. We don't need to be utterly miscible before we can communicate. Some people don't see eye to eye on everything, and yet, they are married to each other for fifty years!

 

So, Jean, just be who you are. Remember: Resist the attack by the acidic bitterness by being an extremely basic optimist. Life may not be rosy all the way, but there are still some roses along the way. Don't trample on them just because you're tempted to do so. When the roses are extinct, so does hope. Keep them alive, all of them; if not on other people's roads, at least at the aisles and pathways along your home , hearth and heart; water them, nourish them and lavish your love upon them. They will cheer you up in times of sadness; brighten your day when it turns dark and cloudy; cushion your fall when you fall with a loud thud; and offer you hope in the midst of rejection, dejection and all disappointments. 

 

Stop for a minute. Inhale slowly... deeply... Exhale ... (at the same speed)... Can you smell the roses too?