Some people say differences divide, like oil and water. Some say differences unite, like opposite sides of magnets attracting each other. What about you? Do you think differences unite or divide the human race?
Me? As usual, I elect to stand in the middle on the fence. It both unites and divides.
Ever since I was seconded to a Chinese company, I have gained the benefit of looking at the same coin from several angles, perhaps some more than the other. To rotate my view and see things from another perspective, requires a lot of listening, questioning and communicating.
Two weeks ago, I fell into yet another bout of identity conflict and dejection. I voiced my concern to my boss and this is what he said, "Jean! The world does not exist only in two colours. In life, nothing is ever absolutely black or white. Remember, the colour grey exists too. There are a lot of things that you just cannot place in the black or white category. Do you know where they belong? The category - grey. You must open your eyes to see the colour grey. Discern it, distinguish it and it will make the road you're travelling on a lot smoother."
It reminds me of how my mum used to knock me into shape whenever she got frustrated with me for being too much of an idealist. "The world is not a bed of roses, you know." She began. "Don't look at the world from your view. Put yourself into other people's shoes and think, 'what would you have done if you were in their situation?' Life is not that simple. It's not straightforward. It's complex and complicated."
But no matter what I do, I always view challenges as opportunities, disadvantages as a double edged swords, adversity as boot camps. I realize that if we refuse to see the hovering grey clouds, drizzle and rain drops, rainbows will always appear and the light will shine profusely, like stars in the dazzling night.
I remember the first time I ever worked with Chinese, I suffered from severe culture shock. First, I realized Chinese are very reserved. While I was used to greeting and being greeted anytime of the day, Chinese arrive at the office and more often than not, head straight to their desks and do not make eye contact with any of their colleagues, say "Hi!", "Good Morning!"or "Bye!". A whole day can go by without any conversation occuring among ten employees sitting in the same office. Whereas in my parent company, we chat, eat and discuss throughout the day. A lot of times, the lines get blurred in the latter. Work is integrated into family life, and family life is dragged to work.
Even though team building sessions are not 'rampantly' conducted in Chinese companies, everybody shares the same goal - increasing profit, reducing cost. In a company built on Western culture, individual gain such as self gratification rather than community benefits are sought after. Surprisingly, both parties attain the same goals through different approaches. While one is dictative and authoritarian, another focuses on developing people and provides ample room for creativity and freedom of implementation.
With Chinese, you never know what to expect. Nothing is ever what it seems. A simple meal may turn into a business deal. A jog in the park between acquaintances paves the way for the making of a new leader in the organization. The Chinese, I realize, can switch attitudes back and forth effortlessly, like the face-changing maskman onstage. You'd never discover which is the first layer, the last layer, or the true self underneath.
On the last day of my stay in Beijing, as I was checking out of the hotel, the receptionist I was dealing with received a phone call. She picked up the phone and began speaking to the client in the most sweetest, pleasant and most polite tone I have ever heard. A few seconds later, she pushes the button on her walkie talkie and starts berating her colleague in a loud and irritated tone. Suddenly, the phone rings again and she resumes talking in her girly, quaint and dainty tone. Wow! She was like a chameleon, changing colours all the time!
It is eerily similar to the attitudes of my colleagues in the office. One minute they could be asking me nicely about the weather and my family, the next minute they throw their weight around, shout, knocking their knuckles on the tables to nail and hammer a point across. It is intimidating. It is scary. I feel as if I'm in a volcano all the time. I don't know when it will erupt. The worst part is, there are no signs. It just explodes whenever it feels like it. There's not even a slight hint or warning. Working with Chinese is like working with a time bomb, blindfolded. 'Tick, tick, tick' You can hear the timer counting the seconds, but you can't see the wire or the clock.
Unlike Malaysians. They wear their emotions on their sleeves. Everything is clear and laid nicely on the table. Anybody who's angry scolds their workers. And if they are really angry, they would give the victim a silent treatment. But most of the time, they're smiling, laughing and generously lend hands to damsels in distress. Not so with Chinese. They smile when they're angry, scowl when everything goes their way.
These days, I've learnt not to evaluate everything at face value. Sometimes, you've got to let the events play out and plan the next move. Call it what you may: cultural differences, philosophical differences. Everybody's playing the same game of chess with different moves and strategies. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn. May the Lord grant me wisom and understanding to figure it all out.
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