Mixed Responses

Being in the woods, isolated and cut off from all channels of communication is awfully relaxing. I just can't help repeating myself. It is where I am able to find my true self, identify my deepest needs, able to decide on my future, purely based on my own desires. 

It is here, in the thick, lush, greenery that I feel close to God. It's a funny revelation, considering how Church is all about getting closer to God. I don't feel closer to Him on any given day these days.  It's probably because in the city, everywhere I go, I see things that are man-made. Even the rain clouds are are planted in the sky by airplanes.

In the jungle, everything amazes me. It is in here, true beauty exists. Whenever I stand by the river, I see huge, gigantic mountains. In the evenings, the colours of the sky mix so evenly and gradually. In the night, crickets, monkeys and owls chirp and chat throughout the night. It is then that I am reminded that God truly exists. For what else could bestow such beauty and serenity upon our land, except for the powers above?

Hence, when Pete Seeger, a 91-year old social activitist, born on the 3rd of May 1919, and still very much alive to this day, said, "Every time I’m in the woods, I feel like I’m in church.", I am in absolute agreement. 

 

Eager to share my thoughts and joy of being in the wilderness, I shared pictures of Kenyir Lake with several friends and family members. When friends of my generation saw the still reflection of the hills on the calm water surface, they were awed. Impressed that such a place still existed. 

My family members, on the other hand, were more taken aback that I found such scenes impressive. They were dumbfounded that I was bowled over by these scenic display of tranquility. "When I was a child, Sitiawan and Kampung Koh (the hometown of my family and my ancestors after they migrated from China) used to look like this." my mother began reminiscing. "I still remember us, as little boys and girls, soaking ourselves in the streams on a scorching, hot day, catching fishes and playing the whole day long by the river during school holidays."

I listened in amazement. "Wow... " speechless as I gathered my thoughts. "We used to have these kind of scenery in Sitiawan? The rivers? The grasslands? The grazing cows?" 

I can't believe it. Ever since I was born in this town, all I ever saw were rubber estates, oil palm estates, schools, single story and double story buildings. No rivers, no lakes, no vast greenery. Somehow, it seemed ... impossible. It is as if, the town existed just the way it was, the moment I set my eyes on it, along with the years I grew up in it. Even if it did change, it was not drastic. As far as I remember, the most major change was the day I noticed bulldozers destroying corridors of shops by the roadside, in their attempts to widen the road. It was a sad day for me. As a child, I liked things just the way they are. Change was, to me, always an intruder. 

And so, when my mom did not even bat her eyelids as I showed her how green the grass were, how tranquil the rivers were, how peaceful, trying to convey how I felt as if I had been transported up to paradise, I just couldn't comprehend it. How is it that my mom, who has lived for half a decade, not be impressed by this? or even longed that she could have this right at her backyard?

In fact, the way she momentarily glanced up from time to time, as I tried to attract her attention, seemed as if it was such a common, daily sight. I suppose, changes in my hometown are pretty gradual, and in her mind, she still sees it the same way as it was fifty years ago. Or perhaps, she has had her fair share of living by the river, and now has embraced the convenience that only town living can offer. A lifestyle that a city-bred like me takes for granted, eager to escape from the solid grasp it has on me, creeping into solitude, searching for my true calling. 

My brother's response was, "Jie (Sis)! U know! We used to catch fishes in the drains all the time! Nothing new at all!" 

Hmm... That is when I found out that I have missed out pretty much on life. My decision to dedicate my life to reading a whole library of books gained me some wisdom and knowledge, but lost in terms of experiences gained.

I am still in my twenties, 27 to be precise. I need to take risks, be courageous and chase after my dreams. Be like a wild horse, galloping freely, roaming adventurously. One is only young once. If I don't start now, when will I start? Try everything, Jean!

For without experience, from whence cometh knowledge?