Since I started this PhD programme, I have been wondering if this is for me, if this is what I really, really want. I love the green, green grass, and the blue, blue lakes. I love watching the ducks and the swans floating calmly on the lake. Also, I love to feel the wind blowing strongly against my face, ruffling up my short, wavy hair, and I love feeling the chill in my bones. It makes me feel fresh, and alive.
In the first week, I didn't see how I could progress here. All I did was literature review and lots of reading, lots and lots of it. I got bored. I wanted to start work immediately. I had forgotten that as with all new work, I have to work a lot on understanding it. And so, I persisted. I read, I summarized, I wrote, I asked, I interacted.
Finally, when I discussed with my professor, I got some positive encouragement. I was delighted. I knew right there and then, positive words of reassurance is something I really, really need. Work is something I know well, and something I cherish. I derive joy from it. Lots and lots of joy and pleasure. I love my job.
So, here goes my fiancé who chides or teases me for loving my world of geology and reservoir engineering. "Get a life." he says.
But, the thing that makes me feel alive, is something that makes me happy and gives me a sense of accomplishment. With my job, I always know where I am heading, the challenges that I will face, and I have devised many ways and methods to face them, solve them. In fact, I don't treat them as problems or stumbling blocks, but every little challenge I face at work, I look at it as an opportunity or as a stepping stone. I love my life more when I have something to look forward to at my area of research.
However, with relationships, that, is another different domain. Perhaps, I have a very weak heart. I don't understand how relationships work, or probably I don't really want to understand either. I feel that every single time I pour in more effort, I get stung. Should I continue, or should I not?
So, today, when I discussed with my French professor, he gave me the following advice, "Jean, Jean! You must check and everything that you come across, be it audio or visual, everything that you've read, heard and seen. In PhD, you must have at least three reference sources or methods. The first and the second can be random occurences. But if you observe the same phenomena for the third, and the fourth, then you can be sure that it is not random. In fact, don't just believe something because it is in print form, or it is on the internet, or because it is said by something by famous. To present with conviction, to be professsional, you must be convinced of the fact or finding yourself too. In fact, if you ask someone about his or her theory or belief, they will provide many and various reasons for their arguments, but they will seldom or never give the drawbacks of their methods. So, it is your responsibility to find that out. You have to be really, really sure you understand how it works. Experience it yourself with real examples, then prove it. Start out with the ones you know first, and develop the technique from there."
Then when we discussed about normalization, he had this to say, "Oh! I'm glad you asked this question. In fact, I have the same question too! You know, the same word can mean different things to different people. When we talk about normalization, geophysicists, engineers, physicians, and mathematicians understand it and approach it from a different point of view. So, people will understand the same term from a different context."
As I interacted more with my French professor, I feel all the energy flowing back into my soul, and adrenaline rushing through my veins once again. Yes! Yes! Yes! This is what I came here for. To be inspired, and to feel like I am doing something meaningful, something exciting, to be one of the frontiers of technology.
I am excited once more. I want to do this, once and for all. I will not care how long it takes. I must make sure I understand this topic, once and for all, and after that, I will be ready to head a new department (if there be any).
I have always wanted to pursue a PhD. This is because I really, really want to become a lecturer when I eventually retire. Or maybe, even a professor. But, I guess, I still have a long, long way to go. But, if going for a PhD is just an experience, I will treasure it. I will make sure I complete this, no matter how long it takes. I will cherish this experience. I will thank my professors for recruiting me, and the company who sponsors me, by finishing and complete this with my whole heart and soul.
Oh, God, I just want to thank you for giving me this opportunity and placing me here. I really, truly appreciate it. I hope I will not disappoint you. I pray that you help me to feel your Spirit flowing through my work, and my life here, and contribute to the team here.
Oh, Lord! I just want to pray, so , so much, that you will bless this work of mine, just as you bless Vincent's work in every area of his life and his part in society too!
Oh God, I just want to surrender our lives and our relationship to you. May you bless it and let your Spirit be with us, and in our midst, forever and ever.
In Jesus' most precious name I pray,
Amen.
