Before I came to France, I had the idea that all Westerners-people with an extremely fair complexion and blond hair, are the same. They are vocal and expressive. And since most of the western countries are developed, I always thought that all of them possess a solid foundation in mathematics and engineering. And so, I came to study in France, wanting to know how to express myself, be independent, be vocal and be able to verbalize my thoughts. I wanted to learn how to create mathematical equations and think analytically.
Then, I arrived in France and found out that I had to re-adjust my expectations. I began to realize gradually that the Westerners I had in mind were actually Americans. As for the French, their culture and values are closer to Asian than I thought.
Here, in my little Parisian school, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the French (or in general Europeans and British and Scottish) respect their peers and seniors tremendously. During conversations, they do not interrupt and frequently wait until the speakers finish speaking before posing a question or a response. Contrary to popular belief that French are snobbish, arrogant and wants to speak only French even if they know English, the French whom I interact with daily are humble, are on a passionate journey of learning everyday. They are eager to receive feedback and improve themselves.
I was also surprised to see that my French professors are apologetic about almost everything. Perhaps I have been working in an corporate organization which inculcates the American concept for far too long. We rarely or never apologize, even when we are at fault. Hence, when our professors apologized to us for speaking English in their thick French accent, or for not making things clear during their explanation, or for some simple mistakes in the course notes, it is humbling. At the same time, I am taken aback. It reminded me very much of my short stay in Japan. When some of the older generation of Japanese found out that I was Malaysian, they gave a speech on the hurt and pain they had caused our forefathers during World War II. Are French arrogant and proud? They may be, to a certain extent, but they are also ever-ready to accept criticisms for improvement. A trait which is valuable, even more so in today's world,where logic and ethical principles and values are losing its foothold against the rapid advancement of technology.
France is a land of manifestations and strikes. With 11 official public holidays in a year, 25 days of annual leave, regular working hours and 26 weeks of maternity leave and 2 weeks of paternity leave, citizen-friendly social security system and medical benefits, and the schedules to go on strike, the French may not seem to work a lot. My! They even have a system which supports the homeless! But behind the scenes, I know that they do work and study more than others. No doubt they may go for walks and jogs in the parks, occasional wine tasting sessions, vacations, but like others all around the world, they live like us too! They work fervently and dilligently, they manage their finances (and do not simply fling their wealth as and when they desire), plan for the future and realize the importance of educating the future generation to think for themselves independently.
They are also often extremely encouraging when it comes to learning French for foreigners. When I first came, I spoke in embarrassingly halting French, stuttering in the translation and pronunciation of almost every word, especially words with the letter 'R', which is pronounced partially between the throat and the tongue. Yet, my friends, teachers and strangers whom I meet randomly on the streets endure my jarring French, patiently correcting my pronunciation and grammar. My French teacher even promoted me two levels up as she noticed my fiery enthusiasm for the language and determination to learn. It was truly encouraging and made me all the more eager to learn, converse, and interact in French.
French are also very united and friendly. They are united in the sense that they like to do things together. Like any other people in the world, they celebrate birthdays with friends, have picnics in the park with closed ones, lunches with families on weekends and go on vacations with their loved ones during holidays. From them, I learnt that work may be important. But what is more important, is family,our personal lives and fulfillment.
Humour is also an important part of their lives. When something offends them, they twist it around into a joke and do not stab you with a knife right in the centre of your heart. Most of the time, both parties usually get it. It may be satirical. It is funny and true at the same time. No hurt feelings. Just the truth with some sugar and spice sprinkled all over it. The French do take things seriously, but they often inject humour into it too, even though they might take it a little too far sometimes. They may be slightly cynical, but deep down, they do care and think about the people around them.
Once, a friend who was cycling from La Défense to her residential area got lost while navigating through the endless alleys and paths. She then stopped to ask a guy for directions at a residential area. When he found out that she was 30 minutes drive away from the residence, the guy offered to drive her back to her residence, with her bicycle in tow. Another friend who was lost about 5 minutes away from her home was offered a ride back home too by an elderly lady. As for me, when I was lost, people often offer to lead me directly to my destination by walking or end up taking me for a lovely tour around their favourite spot in the park or town. So far, it has been a pleasant experience to be lost in Paris.
As a melancholic, I often think that I am alone in my own thoughts and beliefs. Yet, here in France, I find that there are many French who are equally as philosophical as me (or even more) when it comes to discussions about life and relationships.
When I asked a professor if I should quit my job of 7 years and move on to a new company, he said "Don't burn bridges. Make sure you leave a legacy before you leave. After all, they have trained you up and given you a lot of opportunities to you for you to be where you are today."
When I asked another professor ways to build up my confidence in decision making, she answered, "Have children! When you have kids, you'll be constantly making decisions. Starting from the first day they are born - choosing their names, then it proceeds to choosing their schools, their nurseries, their food... and so on. It's true! Having kids and getting married is the best thing that will ever happen in your life!"
When I told another friend about past hurt and grievances, he said, "Jean! This page in your life may be black right now but remember, you can always turn the page and it will be a brand new page which is white. You have ample space to write and draw on it. Focus on the future, focus on the hope. The black part may not be erasable, but you don't have to tear up the whole page either. A bright future is waiting for you. Persevere. You can do it. Find out what you want to do in life and pursue it. Don't give up just yet."
When a visiting consultant wanted to express his opinion about people with high IQ, he told a 20-minute story about a brilliant mathematician-entrepeneur who set up his own company and was successful in everything he invested in. The entrepeneur then decided to invest in another new area of the industry to spite a rival. But after 5-10 years, that new wing was becoming a failure. When he found out that it was non-sustainable, he broke down and wept like a child, right in front of the consultant. With that, the consultant concludedd, "Smart and intelligent people may soar and fly higher than anybody. But when setbacks occur, they may not be able to accept it with grace and know how to manage it."
So, it's funny whenever I meet my French colleagues and professors, their favourite question will always be "So, what do you think of the French?"
At that moment, a billion and zillion examples and explanations flash across my mind. I do not even know where to begin. Perhaps, the next time I am asked, I will summarize the French in the following words: friendly, philosophical, and filled with an enthusiastic zest for life.
Bearing in mind that they do not say 'oh-la-la!' all the time.
