When I think of Europe, I think of it as a land of equal opportunities. That is because whenever I look at advertisements for positions in Western companies, they always make an effort to state that they are an 'equal opportunity employer'. And so, I thought, discrimination doesn't exist in this region.
But, having worked in Dubai, staying in Paris and increased interaction with my fellow colleagues, I realize that discrimination against women exists everywhere. It is not only prominent in Russia and Asia, but it exists also in Netherlands, UK, France and US. How is it possible? Why is it still on-going? Can't it be eliminated?
I still remember my first day at work. I struggled extra hard to understand technical terms and operations procedures of the rig, testing processes and drilling terminology. There was no manual. I had to consult and ask everybody I met on what to do in case something happened, how to make sound and practical decisions, even though it made absolutely no sense to me at all. It was tough. I remember crying on my third trip so hard because I was frustrated with myself for not understanding simple things which my fellow male colleagues caught in a few days, while I spent three to four months just understanding how each tool operated and functioned. Sometimes when I asked some of my seniors, they shrugged me off. Some answered me gruffily and begrudgingly. Only one or two had the decency to take the time to explain everything and had me understand everything in 15 minutes. That, was when I knew that I had to be independent. I made a resolution with myself to study all the books there were on well testing, did all the interpretation, write all the reports to ensure that I would understand the analysis part, even if I had no inkling whatsover on the operations part. It worked like magic. Because I had solid fundamentals in well testing, I soon understood other parts of reservoir engineering with ease. I loved it. Not too soon after that, I fell in love with my job.
As I exchange this story with my colleagues in Paris, I realize that all of us have the same story. Some of us had worse experiences. When a young female geologist in Russia asked for a technical task from her boss, he assigned her to send his house keys to his wife in another part of a town which was one and a half hours away from the office. When a young female engineer who wasn't assigned any jobs for two months did some numerical simulation, she was chided for taking too much initiative. Another engineer in Netherlands was asked to bring coffee for her male colleagues when attending a meeting where she was the only female in the room.
And this doesn't happen just when we are young or fresh recruits. It happens even at managerial levels. When a woman boss expresses her anger, her male employees will think that she's suffering from mood swings or hormonal imbalance. They will then relate it to her being single, or having marital problems, kids problems, etc. When a woman dresses up, they will think that she's like a Christmas tree. When a woman puts on make-up, some might think it's too thick. Indeed, men can be merciless. They even comment on a woman's perfume, hair, walking stature, sitting posture, words that she uses, anything that they can think of and comes to mind.
And so, I struggled. To prove that I can do it just like them. To talk like them so that I would be accepted into their society. To avoid corridor talk, I had meals with different people each day and never went out with any male colleagues alone. I learnt to smile under all circumstances even when my blood was boiling and when I was seething with anger. I learnt to walk and not run, trot and not leap, smile and not laugh. I put in extra effort, to do my best to make sure that I can do it just as well as them (or even better). In the process, I lost myself and could no longer recognize who I was or what I truly wanted.
By then, I had worked so hard to get work that I fell into the vicious cycle of running the rat race - a race that I never even imagined myself running in the first place. All I wanted at the beginning was to be acknowledged, to justify the payment of my monthly salary and to ensure that I wouldn't be fired within the first few months, to receive bad ratings or poor performance reviews. Soon, this invisible battle became an integral part of my life and I could not shake it off.
Until I came to Paris and realized that deep down, I am still a woman. Nowadays, I realize that I am who I am. I do have mood swings. I get cranky on a monthly basis. During this time, I may deliberately ignore people or shrug them off. I may even crave for specific foods or have a sweet tooth for candies and cakes. Occasionally, I may even watch some melancholic movies or read a sad book to shed a few tears.
Yet, when I snap out of it, I like to observe and interact with people. I like to hear their stories from a different dimension and perspectives. I like to listen to the way they crack jokes effortlessly. I like to listen to their experiences and how they overcame each of their individual challenges. I like to know what unusual hobbies they have or peculiar habits they possess. I like to laugh without a care in the world and smile as the sun rays chases the shadows of the clouds. I love the fact that I can laugh freely and happily. This - is who I am deep down: unsuppressed, youthful, joyful, gay and happy.
People often remark, "Hey! You seem to be happy all the time" or "Jean! How come you laugh so much?" or even "Jean! Why are you smiling all the time?" or "Hmm! You're the happiest person that I know. Whenever I see you, you're always smiling."
Mmmm... I guess I'm happy because I'm doing what I like and I get to do what I want, right here, right now without being subjected to any form of physical, emotional and psychological oppression and suppression.
At this moment, life is beautiful. Sometimes, we don't need a reason to be joyful. Just smile and the whole world will smile along with you.
*Smile*
^_^
